In the light of the Haiti Earthquake, I looked for a poem that spoke to the feelings many of us are experiencing around the devastation and suffering, and chose this one by Hafiz. However we respond to this tragedy, the most important thing is to respond from an open heart.

Do Not Sink Into Sadness

Joseph the lost will return – Jacob should not sink into sadness; those who sit in the grief house will eventually sit in the garden.

The grieving chest will find honey; do not let the heart close.

The hysterical mind will find peace – do not sink into sadness.

If the way the earth revolves confounds your desires for two days, do not sink into sadness: all turning goes as it will.

I say to the bird: “As long as spring baptizes the grass, the scarlet blossoms will continue to sway over your head.”

Even if the flood…drowns everything, do not sink into sadness, because Noah is your captain.

Do not sink into sadness, even though the mysteries of the other world slip past you entirely. There are plays within plays that we cannot see…

–Hafiz

I invite you this week to explore being present for the joys of life…the little things like the quality of light in your yard, or the sound of children playing; or the taste of a juicy piece of fruit.  As we work on dissolving the bubble of struggle through the light of our compassionate attention, it is good to remember the field, and holding the intention for opening to the little joys of life is one of the best ways to do this.

At the same time, I invite you to work with tightness. Any tightness, whether it is physical, emotional or mental, is a sign that you are in the bubble of struggle. When you notice it, simply let it go.

If it doesn’t let go, another option is to bring the breath to an area of your body that is tight (there will always be a physical tightening that accompanies mental and emotional tightening.) In the beginning, you gently touch it with your breath from the inside out. Then, if this tightness is willing, gently open it with your breath.

May you be curious about and responsive to any tightening, and may you be open to the little joys in your life throughout this week.

The core thread through our discussion is the second question from my book The Gift of Our Compulsions, “For this moment, can I let this be here?” We are all caught in the narrow prison of our minds – the kind of mind that always wants things to be better or different than what they are.

I just got off the phone with a woman who shattered her heel a few weeks ago and is showing up for the process. She said that when she resists it, whether it is the experience of being so out of control in her life, or the physical pain or the despair, she creates more suffering. When she opens to it – as it is – she is discovering a deep peace right in the middle of the struggle. The main way she is remembering right now is the mantra from my first book, “This too’ which is a version of the second question.

Can you, for just this day know that everything that is happening in your life is for you, and when you feel resistance, for even a moment or two, say ‘yes’ to whatever is.

Life wants you to awaken even more than you do and is giving you the exact set of experiences that you need to see through the prison of the struggling self.

Five mantras for spaciousness:

It’s okay, its all okay.
This too!
For this moment can I let this be here?
Say yes!
Let it be, let it be, let it be (The Beatles!)

I think one of the core strengths we can develop is our willingness to be real with ourselves and with one another. It reminds us that we are all dealing with the same suffering that all human beings do – no matter what race, religion, nationality or gender. To become real so we can meet ourselves and meet others right where they are is such a healing thing to do!

My four guidelines for awakening are Look, Listen, Love and Let go.

Look: Looking is about recognizing what we are experiencing right now. It takes courage but as long as we turn away from ourselves we empower the bubble of struggle.

Listen: As Stephen Levine says so well, “We leave ourselves when we most need ourselves.” In listening we give our experience the compassionate attention it needs to be transformed. This doesn’t usually happen over night but each moment of meeting is another moment of healing. The chances of our pain being transformed by saying ‘I see you and I understand’ are far greater than by resisting it.

Love: There is nothing within us that doesn’t deserve the healing of our own heart. We all have wounds and we are all nutty as fruitcakes!! That is why I love the Zen quote, “Freedom comes when you are without anxiety about non-perfection!”

We are all dealing with the same suffering – no matter what race, religion, nationality or gender.  To become real so we can meet ourselves and meet others right where they are is such a healing thing to do!

The four guidelines for awakening are Look, Listen, Love and Let go.

Look:  Looking is about recognizing what we are experiencing right now.  There is healing in just being present with what is.

Listen: As Stephen Levine says so well, “We leave ourselves when we most need ourselves.”  In listening we give our experience the compassionate attention it needs to be transformed.  This doesn’t usually happen overnight, but each moment of meeting is another moment of healing.  The chances of our pain being transformed by saying ‘I see you and I understand’ are far greater than by resisting it.

Love:  There is nothing within us that doesn’t deserve the healing of our own heart.  We all have wounds and we are all nutty as fruitcakes!!  That is why I love the Zen quote, “Freedom comes when you are without anxiety about non-perfection!”

Let Go:  The more you look, listen and love, the more you can let the old patterns go or they simply let go.

These guidelines allow us to meet ourselves as we are which is the doorway into the healing we long for

Be light, Mary

Here are some key points in the shift from trying to get away from what we are experiencing to bringing the light of our attention to it so it can be transformed.

The first is that whenever we are compulsive it is not our compulsions we are longing for.  We are longing for the ability to be with ourselves AS WE ARE.

The second point was that every wave of compulsion is a call from a part of us for attention.  And those symptoms, whether they are sensations or feelings are rooted al the way back into our childhood when we experienced feelings that we didn’t know what to do with.  So we learned how to numb them by turning away from ourselves, holding our breath and eventually numbing ourselves with our compulsions.

The third point is that there truly are simple and safe ways to turn towards ourselves when we want to be compulsive. It is important to understand that as long as we want to be free from what we are trying to numb, it will control us.  But truly, all these feelings and sensations want is to be FREED.  And we do that through the light of our attention.

May you be curious today about what you are experiencing.  Even a moment of this goes a long way to freeing ourselves from the spell of compulsions.

Be light, Mary

When we are lost in struggle the ego will wail, ”Everything is not okay!!”  But that is just the the bubble of struggle talking.  To get free of it, we need to – for a moment here and a moment there – let go of believing that our life is not okay so we can LOOK and LISTEN. In my life, there finally came a time where my desire to be real (and awake) became bigger than my fear of meeting myself as I am.

Learning this new way of being with life is a little like learning how to ride a unicycle – it seems impossible at first and you fall a lot.  But together, we can find a centering balance with our lives so we can know the joy of showing up for our lives, not as we think they should be, but as they are.  That is the doorway out of the bubble and into the field of spacious awareness!

I invite you to live in this question, “What would it be like is everything is okay exactly as it is?”

Be light, Mary

Boundaries are walls to the ego.  But to our authentic Self, boundaries are all about listening to and speaking our own truth (mainly to ourselves.)  This allows us the safety of becoming truly ourselves, which is what we are really hungry for whenever we are compulsive!

There are all sorts of walls we have put up to listening to and living from our own truth – the fear that it is selfish; the fear that we will die if we listen to our truth and act from it; the fear that people will leave us if we don’t put their needs before ours.  May we know that EVERYTHING works better when we take step after step beyond those fears and live from our truth!

Be light, Mary

I hope this post finds your mind curious about whatever life is bringing you today.  Know that it is all for you!

I invite you to explore the art of trusting life by experiencing your soft belly.  When your belly is relaxed, you are open to life.

So often we tighten ourselves against life.  Our egos don’t trust that life will unfold in a way that is for our highest good.  But to trust is the healing we long for, and it is possible to truly trust.  In fact it is not only possible, it is the most powerful way for human beings to move through life.

Trust isn’t about always liking what is happening.  And it isn’t about just lying down in the road and letting life run you over.  Instead trust is full engagement with life as it is right now.

To trust life allows us to dance with it – passionately, lovingly and joyously; To trust life allows us to let go of all of the should’s, have-to’s, can’ts and wont’s so that we can connect with the newness of every moment; To trust life is to learn how to respond rather than react so our actions don’t add to our confusion and heartache, but they instead become a place of healing.  And to trust life allows us to tap into the great river of creativity that has been unfolding for millions of years, for everything that is authentically new and of lasting value comes from this ability to be fully engaged with life no matter what is going on.

May you watch your belly this week, and when it is tight, soften it and make contact with life as it is right now.  Hear a bird sing, taste your food, really see a loved ones face.  For your life, no matter what is happening, is for you.  May you show up for it!

Be light, Mary

As I prepare for leading the Fall Retreat on Whidbey Island next month, I am remembering on an even deeper level the nourishment, the heart connection and the importance of gathering together in awakening communities.  Isn’t it wonderful that even though we are separated by space, we are together through the heart?

Here is the wonderful quote that speaks to coming into the theater and finding the terrified part of us sitting on the stage. – all alone!!! – with many parts of us dancing around in a circle saying, “You did it wrong, you are wrong, you are not worthy,” and on and on and on.  This experience lies at the core of most human personalities.  And we are waking up to it and breathing it into our hearts so all beings can be free from this core suffering.

This quote speaks to the knowing that there is no accident we are in the theater all alone, lost in fear and self judgment.  And there is no accident that we are, together, entering the theater and going to be with the little child on the stage rather than joining the judgmental circle that is dancing around him or her!  As Rilke says, “Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us.”

“We have no reason to mistrust our world, for it is not against us. Has it terrors, they are our terrors; has it abysses, those abysses belong to us; are dangers at hand, we must try to love them.  And if only we arrange our life according to that principle which counsels us that we must always hold to the difficult, then that which now still seems to us the most alien will become what we most trust and find most faithful.  How should we be able to forget those ancient myths that are at the beginning of all peoples, the myths about dragons that at the last moment turn into princesses; perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave.  Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us. –Rainer Maria Rilke

And Nisargadatta:
“You cannot know yourself through bliss alone, for bliss is your very nature.  You must face the opposite, what you are not, to find enlightenment.” –From “I Am That”

Be light, Mary