The Fertility of the Dark

A woman sent me this very deep question and I wanted to share it with you, along with my response:

Mary:

“First, thanks you for all you write and share. I really try hard to embrace these ideas. The line that stops me up is, “For what life has in store for you is far better than anything that you can try to create on your own.”  A friend of mine’s best friend just got into a car accident where she was driving, and her son died, and daughter is in critical condition, but she and her husband are ok. I don’t understand how a person is supposed to deal with that. And how the aforementioned quote can relate to her situation. How will this woman move on? How is life better for her? I don’t mean to sound cynical-I am not-I am desperate to understand how to apply this philosophy to those types of situations. Thank you for any insight.”

Thank you for your question.  It touched me deeply as this is a question many people are asking.  To watch our fellow human beings suffer is so painful because we have lost trust in life. We don’t see that challenges are not here because we have done something wrong or is karmic retribution or God has fallen asleep on the job. Our challenges are where we grow, and they are tailor-made to wake us up out of the dream of struggle. Eckhart Tolle speaks directly to this when he says, “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”

Both of my children have been deeply challenged by health issues for many years. But when I agonize over it, I am no longer present for them. When I trust that their souls know what they are doing, then my heart opens again, and I can be present for them in their darkest times. When I am not in reaction, I can also see all the gifts they have received from being this challenged. I don’t like that life is happening this way, but I trust it.

To help open to the healing that is always embedded in the difficult parts of life, we can look at the yin-yang symbol. It points to the truth that life is made from dark and light – the easy and the difficult, the joyous and the sorrowful. The dark and the light in this symbol are nestled together. They aren’t fighting with one another. They are companions. And in the dark side of this symbol is a point of light and in the light side of the symbol there is a point of dark.

It is challenging to discover that point of light in the big challenges of our lives for we are used to resisting and running away from them. When we do that, we suffer. But slowly, we begin to see, that underneath our struggling self is our true nature – filled with light and love and peace and joy – and that life is bringing us our challenges so we can see and see through our addiction to struggle so that we can rest in our true nature, being itself.

There is beautiful quote by Cynthia Occeli that speaks directly to how our challenges, if we don’t fight against them, can bring great healing:

“For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.”

We are the seed she is talking about. And we’re surrounded by the shell of our struggling self.  But we are so much more than our struggling minds and bodies.  We are the essence of light and love!  What happens when the shell of our struggling self is cracked open by the big challenges?  If we don’t fight them, we begin to recognize and rest in the light and love of our true nature.

Your friend’s friend does not need to know these truths in order to open to the healing that this painful time is bringing her. And you don’t need to share them with her. When we are that raw, we are like skin that has been blistered by the sun. But you can hold them for yourself and for her too. And even talk to her in your heart. That makes a difference even if you never speak to her! This is what my children most want from me – to trust that their life is unfolding as it needs to be, even though it has been very painful.

I leave you with a poem my mother sent to me when I was in my darkest times.

NO OTHER WAY

Could we but see the pattern of our days,
We should discern how devious were the ways,
By which we came to this, the present time, This place in life;

And we should see the climb
Our soul has made up through the years.
We should forget the hurts, the wanderings, the fears, the wastelands of our life, and know………..
That we could come no other way or grow
Into our good without these steps our feet found hard to take, our faith found hard to meet.

The road of life winds on and we like travelers go
From turn to turn until we come to know
The truth that life is endless
and that we Forever are inhabitants of all eternity.

Martha Smock