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I oftentimes wear combs in my hair, sometimes one and sometimes two. But at times this can be frustrating because I swear these combs have a mind of their own. They wander off to who knows where when I most need them. 

When it is early morning and I can’t find one comb, I declare I will be so attentive that even if I’m at the chiropractors office and have to take the combs out for an adjustment, or a comb fell out of my hair while I was in the car, or I forgot that I left them by my bed the night before, I will not lose track of my combs – ever! 

But, even with the best of intentions I still lose track of my combs! Then one morning I wake up and they’re all in the drawer where I keep them, and I have no idea how they all got there! 

The reason why I am sharing with you about my combs is that we really truly believe that we are in control of life and if we just control it right enough then everything will be easy, peazy. But if you truly pay attention to life, you will see that we are not in control. We think we are but there’s something much bigger than us in charge. Whatever that is has taken something as insubstantial as stardust and created the DNA molecule. The rungs of each exquisite spiral of DNA are made up of four bases and when life changes some of the bases you get a crocodile. And then it changes some of the bases and you get a butterfly, and it changes a few more and you get a human being. Take a moment and let that in. There is an intelligence that is much smarter than us that keeps the planets spinning as they do, brings spring forth out of winter, and orchestrates the 70 trillion cells that make up your body, 

Yes, we have some influence on life but ultimately, we are not in control. How can we know what life is like right outside of the addiction of control? Stephen Levine used to say, “May you be so lucky to come across something you can’t control.” I would imagine most people, when they hear this, cringe. But when you come across something you can’t control, like the cancer I will have for the rest of my life, the addiction to control begins to lose its power and what is much, much more interesting is to connect with life rather than spending your time and energy trying to control it. 

What I am saying here is my cancer is inviting me to simply open to life as it is. This doesn’t mean I don’t see my doctor or continue with the chemotherapy, but it means I am ready to deepen my focus of showing up for life as it is. It’s been amazing this summer to watch how, at times, my mind is so afraid of that. It just wants the cancer to go away with all the fatigue and discomfort that it brings. But words can’t describe the deep joy that comes when I can simply acknowledge and then compassionately be present for my scared mind. And under the gaze of my loving attention, it let’s go and life becomes real again. I’ve moved beyond being enamored by my thoughts about life and instead open to it as it is right now! 

Yes, we have been fully conditioned to think our way through life. But life in its mysterious and magical unfolding is always saying to us, “Pssst. Come here. Be with me!” So I invite you, for just a few moments, to let go of reading and lift your eyes and connect with life. All the millions of moments of your life have brought you to this moment and it is completely brand-new. See it! Hear it! Feel it! 

Stay with this engagement with life as it is for as long as it calls to you. You may be only able to do it for a second or two. The draw to go back into our thoughts is so strong. But know, a moment or two here and there matter. It’s like drops of water in a bucket and you look down and the bucket is hardly filled. But then one day the water spills over the top and life becomes more important to you than your thoughts about it. 

The invitation is to cultivate moments where you simply relax into life. Be not dismayed by those times with the mind can’t let go. But if you love it for its resistance, it will remember it is truly safe to open beyond your ideas about life and simply engage with it as it is.  

Welcome home!