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The Gift of Kindness

By Mary O'Malley  |  October 2, 2023

Life can be a very fierce process sometimes, much like the weather. Some days are like spring where there is openness and delight. Some days are like summer, filled with contentment. Some days are like fall, with the need to pull ‘inside’. And some days (and phases of our lives) are like winter – cold, with fierce winds and driving rain.

We all experience deep challenges in our lives. Usually, what we do when ‘winter’ comes is we tighten down, resist and turn away from ourselves. We react, attack, defend, judge ourselves and others, and go to our compulsions to relieve the pressure. Believe me, I can tell you from experience that this only brings more pain. When we resist ‘winter’, we close our hearts and deepen our suffering.

But when winter shows up in my life now, the word kindness is so much more accessible than it used to be. I may get lost in my reactions for a bit, but then my heart, which has room for everything, makes space for whatever I am experiencing. I now know, that even with how unskillful I have been at times in my life, the person who most deserves kindness from me is myself.

If I get mad or frustrated when I am struggling, then my heart closes. Rather than judging or resisting it, I recognize I need tender care and kindness. Many times a day, when my mind is reacting again, I simply put my hand over my heart and say the word, “Kindness.”

There is nothing our amazing hearts can’t include. And it is in this inclusion that my heart opens again, and I am back experiencing life through my heart rather than through my struggling mind. So, I invite you to give yourself the gift of kindness. And if your mind is resistant, know that that is just the conditioned mind that has convinced you for far too long that you do not deserve kindness from yourself!

May kindness be your guide today in whatever phase of weather you are experiencing right now.

Stay tuned for information on Mary’s next free night on November 14th and for a big sale of her books, perfect for holiday gifts. These will be announced in her newsletter. If you haven’t signed up yet, follow this link: https://forms.aweber.com/form/47/1780654447.htm

  1. Thank you Mary. I am so anxious for your new book to come out. Once again you have improved my mood 100% and I haven’t even gotten out of bed yet.

    1. I’m excited for it to come out too! Not too much longer. I’m glad it helped you start your day. Be Light!

  2. Thank you for this post, Mary! I found these two quotes among many others that remind me of your own important work. I have been reading a small book on mindfulness walking by Thich Nhat Hanh where he talks about cradling the “baby” of your problem selves. And yes, imagine flowers growing under your feet!

    “If you feel irritation or depression or despair, recognize their presence and practice this mantra: “Dear one, I am here for you.” You should talk to your depression or your anger as you would to a child. You embrace it tenderly with the energy of mindfulness and say, “Dear one, I know you are there, and I am going to take care of you,” just as you would with your crying baby.”— Thich Nhat Hanh

    Meditation practice isn’t about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It’s about befriending who we are already. – Pema Chodron