It is All for You
This summer, I came close to losing two of my immediate family members – at the same time.
How can I possibly trust this painful period? The truth I live is, Life isn’t happening to me; it’s happening for me. To live as if life is happening to me, which is the victim mode, is a very painful way to interface with life. To live as if life is happening for me quiets my mind, awakens my curiosity, and opens my heart.
How could this very challenging time be for me? I go back to the metaphor of the ocean of being. Imagine the most beautiful ocean you can and that is who you truly are. Then imagine a small opaque bubble floating on top of that ocean. That is the bubble of struggle. When we were very young, we lived in and as the ocean of being. But slowly and surely, as thoughts began to fill up our heads, we crawled into this bubble of struggle which, if you step back and keenly observe your mind, is filled with struggle.
Life wants us to come home to the ocean of being, so it gives us the exact set of circumstances we need in order to see our addiction to struggle. We don’t need to stop struggling, fix ourselves, or rise above it all. We just need to see, with great compassion, how we struggle. And the more you see all the moving pieces of your way of struggling, the more you realize that those are just clouds that are passing through the vastness of who you really are.
So what was life helping me to see more clearly? That we live in a land of impermanence! Our struggling minds hate this truth. Our minds spend their days trying to control life, ignoring the truth that nothing lasts in this world of impermanence. Thoughts, feelings, and experiences don’t stay the same. They all have a beginning, a middle, and an end. The same is true for buildings, civilizations, planets, and, most importantly for our conversation, human beings.
To truly let in the truth that nothing lasts is like ripping a Band-Aid off a wound that, even though it may be putrid, you can now attend to it so it can be healed. It can be painful to realize that you have little control over what happens in your life, for all can change in an instant. But it is also true that when you let in the truth of impermanence, the gifts that come from this are enormous.
The first realization for me was I was taking their existence for granted. I had forgotten that they could be gone in a flash, really gone. My forgetting mind allowed me to not see how precious they were, so it was easy to stay involved in my own life, not giving them the love, attention, and appreciation they deserved.
But that was only the beginning. I have been awakening for a long time and I live in a lot of gratitude for the gift of life. But I go in and out of the knowing that at one time I will no longer be here. This experience lifted the veil off my eyes, and I knew maybe today or tomorrow or in 10 years, I will dissolve back into mystery.
To not take anything for granted – your loved ones, your health, and even the next moment of your life is the only way to live. It brings you right back to the newness of every moment and recognition of the enormous gift that life is. This deepened for me the preciousness of even the most ordinary moments in my life. And for this, I will be deeply grateful.
And coming from the cosmic humor at the heart of life, both of my loved ones are alive and doing great!
Know someone who needs to read this today? Please, share it with them!
Stay tuned for information on Mary’s next free night on November 14th and for a big sale of her books, perfect for holiday gifts coming up here soon. These will be announced in her newsletter. If you haven’t signed up yet, follow this link: https://forms.aweber.com/form/47/1780654447.htm
Thank you, Mary, for this essential post! Not taking life for granted, but being in gratitude is the way forward – not missing out, not holding out, not being out, but being in the beginning, the middle and the end all at the same time with mindfulness. And as you say, even in great pain and loss, life lives and moves within us. We continue to live and learn for a future unknown, a place untold, but with a remembrance bearing our names. Godspeed always, Sky Ann
Exactly! Be light!
Dear Mary,
Thank you, as always, for your wisdom and compassion. But for me, “knowing that at one time I will no longer be here” makes me feel empty rather than inspired. I am ever-aware of impermanence.
I don’t seem to be able to be grateful for the present moment. It brings sadness, not preciousness. Do you have any suggestions?
In gratitude.
Kris
P.S. I look forward to your Nov. 14th call.
I’m very glad to hear you’ll be joining us! I think this would be an excellent topic for that call if you’re comfortable submitting it for discussion. You can email devrah@maryomalley.com with what you’ve written here and we will add it to the docket. In the meantime, start with 5 minutes a day where you observe your thoughts. Don’t push them away or judge them. Take deep breaths and allow them to come and go. You will likely get caught up in your thoughts sometimes. When that happens refocus on your breath, or if you find yourself too caught, then take a few breaths and try again tomorrow. The goal is to learn to observe your thoughts without being caught in them. If you’d like some reading until the live call, My book Belonging to Life goes into detail on this and provides several meditations and exercises to work on exactly this. If you prefer an audiobook, an audiobook version narrated by me will be available very soon. Thank you for sharing and I hope this helps! Be Light!
Thank you, thank you, Mary. I will try your 5-minute observing of my thoughts.
I’ll also email Devrah for the 14th.
Peace and blessings.
I’ll be light thanks to your radiant light.
This is very timely as I just lost a grandchild. Truly nothing is permanent in this life. It’s true that we should not take anything for granted..
That is so painful. I’m so sorry to hear that. It’s a bittersweet truth of this world.
Oh so sorry Fely. Sending you strength and peace.
Thank you Mary. Your words always speak to my soul. You are truly heaven sent. I can’t wait (okay maybe I can…) for your new book.
You’re welcome! I’m glad you’re look forward to it! So am I! Be light!