Driving as Your Teacher
Thought is an amazing thing. It only took the universe 13.7 billion years to figure out how to make it. And your thoughts are absolutely necessary for maneuvering through reality, but they are not reality! Who you are is so much more than just the thoughts in your head. But for most people, thoughts are their main reality. They think they are their thoughts as their attention follows them wherever they go.
We can learn how to use thought for the amazing tool it is but not be lost in it. One of the key ways to unhook from the treadmill of thoughts is to learn how to see them rather than identify with them. It is the difference between saying “I am afraid” and “Fear is here.” In that example, you are relating to your thoughts rather than from them.
As I have shared in so many ways over the years, meditation is one of the most powerful ways to strengthen the muscle of your attention, so you are not at the mercy of your thoughts. But you can also use everyday experiences to wake you up out of the dream of thought.
One of my favorites is driving. It is ripe with opportunities to see the world of struggle in your head. I lived in the same bedroom most of the time I was growing up with a very dominating sister. That was her way of surviving the insanity of our childhood. But I had no voice, no say in anything. I learned to be quiet and yielding.
The first time I saw the anger that lived under this meekness was at four-way stops. Approaching the four-way, if I was having an easy day, they were a place to dance with my fellow human beings, yielding when it was not my turn and laughing when we were both confused. But, if I was having a challenging day, as I was approaching, my mind would start a story of anger, saying “You better not take my turn.” And if somebody took my turn, my mind exploded into irritation.
At first, I was embarrassed by this. But once I learned that our foundational thoughts were instilled inside of us before we were six, I found more space around my stories. And four-way stops helped me to recognize the explosive anger that wasn’t safe in any way shape or form to be expressed to my sister or my family. And finally, my heart began to open to this part of me who had waited for so long to be seen and heard.
It’s not only four-way stops that can reveal the storyteller in your head but also roundabouts, being tailgated or yielding onto the freeway. The other day I was in a long, long line of cars waiting to get off the exit. A man cut in in front of me rather than waiting in the line. In the past, I would’ve metaphorically given him my finger. But as my heart has opened over the years, I realized that I had done that before when I was very late for an appointment. And I don’t know why this person is cutting in. I used to assume it was some middle-aged guy with a strong sense of entitlement. But it may be a woman too and they may be late for an airplane, or a very important doctor’s appointment or they just heard their child was injured and they’re trying to get to them.
And even if it is an entitled guy, I don’t need to judge them. As the author Bruce Parry said, “Don’t ask why they are doing that. Ask what happened to them that caused them to act in that way.” Reading the book he wrote with Oprah several years ago, has allowed my heart to make huge leaps in staying open to whomever or whatever is happening in my life and in others’ lives.
So the invitation is to use things in your daily life like driving to get to know, with great compassion, the storyteller that talks in your head all day long. Or if you don’t drive, use shopping or riding the bus or being on hold forever. For whom you truly are is always here, right underneath the stream of thought. As Katelyn Langford so beautifully said:
“Listening to your heart, finding out who you are, is not simple. It takes time for the chatter to quiet down. In the silence of ‘not doing,’ we begin to know what we feel. If we listen and hear what is being offered, anything in life can be our guide.”
If this blog interests you and want to explore more of my work, I invite you to listen to my upcoming radio show on Dreamvisions 7 Radio: Being Present for the Difficult Stuff. It will air on Thursday, August 8th and 15st at 5am and 5pm HERE. After the 15st, it will be available on demand, along with every other radio show I’ve ever done HERE. Please feel free to explore my catalog and listen to topics that call to you.
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If this post resonates with you, I invite you to join us for the next Free Live Call: Your Precious Life on August 20th from 5:30pm to 7:00pm PDT!
Life is such a precious gift and yet we live most of it caught in our heads, thinking about life, struggling with life. Join Mary in discovering how you can use your mind for the exquisite tool it is rather than being lost in it so you can know again now the pure joy of actually being present for your life.
If you can’t make it on the day, you can still participate by sending in your question, see the link for more details. I hope to see you there! Click HERE to learn more and register.