Free from Fear

Most people are not aware of how much fear runs their lives, but trying to get rid of fear only causes more fear. Instead, the shift is in getting to know the stories of fear you took on. As soon as you can see the cloud bank of fear you crawled into as you grew up, you can begin to see through the clouds and come back to the meadow of life. The renowned spiritual teacher and writer Krishnamurti once said:

It is not that you must be free from fear. The moment you try to free yourself from fear, you create resistance against fear. Resistance in any form does not end fear.  What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it, not how to resist it.

In order to not be run by fear and to do what he is suggesting – to look at your fear – it is important to ask, “Do I want to be free from fear?” Initially, there will probably be a response of, “Yes, I do.” That may be followed by a response such as, “I don’t want to look at my fears.” But when you look at your fear, you will see that it is just mind clouds and there is nothing to be afraid of. It is just fear! I assure you, looking at fear is one of the safest things you will ever do.

Pema Chodren, a Buddhist nun and best-selling author, tells about a repetitive dream she had when she was younger. In the dream, a monster was chasing her, and she always woke up in terror at the place where the monster was about to get her. When she told a friend about the dream, her friend suggested that Pema turn around and look at the monster. That so scared her that even in the dream she kept on running. Then one night as she was again running away from the monster, a wall appeared in front of her blocking her escape. With great trepidation, she turned to look at this monster (feeling like she was going to die) and the monster stopped and didn’t come any closer. She then noticed that the monster had pink fingernails! That was the moment she woke up and she never had that dream again!

This dream represents the power of turning and looking at fear rather than letting it run you from underneath your everyday awareness. For a time, it may be scary, but slowly you realize most of your fear is the result of conditioning you received when you were young. The more you look and listen, the more your heart opens to how much fear the storyteller in your mind lives in.  Your heart, however, is not afraid. It is your heart that can bring the attention your fears need in order to be healed. That is why the monster had pink fingernails. How could you be scared of a monster like that?

I was raised in an environment that fostered terror, and I became so caught in the world of fear that in my early twenties I tried to kill myself three times because the intensity of the fear that I lived in was unbearable. My fear showed up as dread – the combination of feeling something really bad is going to happen and the belief that it is happening because I have done something very wrong. I tried psychiatrists, psychologists, group therapy, counselors, medications, affirmations, hospitals, meditation, hypnotherapy, and anything else I could in order to try to outrun my fears. It was only when I was taught how to turn towards my fear, becoming compassionately curious about its story rather than trying to fix it or get rid of it, that the pressure was released. Fear will always be a part of me, but whereas it used to be 110% of me, now it is only 5%, and when it does arise, I can listen to it rather than getting lost in its story, and in that listening it calms down through the healing energy of my heart.

So be curious about your particular stories of fear. Is fear lurking in your mind today? If so, is it the fear of being rejected, or being seen as less than, or being forgetful, or being alone, or being late, or feeling unequal to the task, or that you aren’t smart enough or good looking enough? Fear can have a story about almost anything! So, when you notice that you are paying attention to a fear story, say to yourself, “That is just a story!” We all have fear-based stories that run us at times, and the more you can relate to the stories rather than falling into them (noticing the color of the monster’s fingernails!), the more you will come out of the cloud bank of fear and feel truly alive!

If you enjoyed this blog and would like to explore more of my work, then I invite you to listen to my new radio show on Dreamvisions 7 Radio: A Breath of Joy. It will air on Thursday, October 23rd at 5am and 5pm HERE. After the 23rd, it will be available on demand, along with every other radio show I’ve ever done HERE. Please feel free to explore my catalog and listen to topics that call to you.

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Thank you again for a wonderful evening of vulnerability and connection! Registration is now open! Here are the details for the next Free Night! It will be called: Healing our Deepest Pain. We will be meeting on November 4th at 5:30 pm PST for an hour and a half. We will continue to meet every two months, so keep an eye out for future events!

Here is a preview of our topic:

We are all wounded on our journey through life, and we bury our pain to keep it from being seen by ourselves and others. Join Mary in exploring how to safely heal this pain and gather the gifts that always come from our deepest hurts.

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