Perfectly Imperfect

We all have hidden beliefs that lie nestled in the heart of our struggling minds. One of the biggest beliefs is that the mis-takes we have made in our lives are proof that we are ‘wrong’, causing so much heartache. But it is a total misperception. Yes, we have all made mistakes, but that doesn’t have to translate into proof that we are ‘wrong’. And yes, we do need to make changes in our lives, but to make them from the belief that we are ‘wrong’ only creates more heartache in our lives.

If we can instead see our mistakes and imperfections as a part of being human and recognize that they always come carrying information for our growth, they can become our teachers rather than our jailers. As Stephen Levine likes to say, “If you take a step down the path of life, you go two feet; if you fall on your face, you go six feet!” (he was 6 feet tall) I would like to share with you a parable that speaks directly to this:

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. “I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.” The old woman smiled, “Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.”

Each of us has our own unique flaws, but it’s the cracks that come with the flaws that make our lives interesting and rewarding. We need to learn how to be the Chinese woman with ourselves. Are you willing to practice radical self-acceptance? Are you willing to say to yourself, when self-judgment is there, “I am okay just as I am!” and “With all of the mistakes I have made in my life, I have never really made a mistake!” Know that there will be parts of you that will fight this, that will try to prove, once again, that you are not okay. Recognize those voices for what they are, old tapes of self-judgment, so you can unhook from their toxic messages.

If this kind of practice calls to you, there is a wonderful chapter in my first book, Belonging to Life: The Journey of Awakening, called “Disarming the Judger.” My book is also available in audiobook form if you’d rather listen. If you don’t have the book and are not interested in purchasing it, email my Awaken Team at awakenteam@maryomalley.com and they will be happy to send you the chapter. It is full of ideas and techniques that have allowed me to move from such deep self-hatred that I didn’t want to live, to being a person who can look in the mirror and say, “I love you just the way you are!” As we learn how to see through self-judgment, our attention is then freed to be passionately curious about how our life is unfolding, so we can gather all the treasures that are there – both in the easy and the difficult parts of our lives.

If this resonated with you, and you’d like to explore more of my work, then I invite you to listen to my podcast on Dreamvisions 7 Radio: Deep Peace. It will air on Thursday, March 26th at 5am and 5pm HERE. After the 26th, it will be available on demand, along with every other podcast I’ve ever done HERE. Please feel free to explore my catalog and listen to topics that call to you.

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