We Need the Wisdom of Your Heart

I invite you to remember a time where you were in an argument with a loved one and how much you wanted to be right and make the other person wrong.  Or maybe you reacted in this way when a person cut you off on the freeway. Our conditioned minds love to be right and make others wrong but even though it feels good to us to be ‘right’ it does not bring the lasting healing we long for.

We have an opportunity, on a collective level, to see this urge to blame, criticize and judge another person who acted unskillfully.  On June 6^th a woman, who was at the counter in a bagel shop in New York, was affronted when she overheard another woman asking the staff to follow through on the store’s requirement that people wear masks. The woman who was not wearing a mask said very loudly to the woman who made the request, “Tell me to my face!” as she proceeded to walk over to the woman who made the request and cough in her face.

Just a few days after the video of the above event was posted, it had over 4 ½ million views, mainly because it woke up this conditioning of wanting to be right and make other people wrong. That is what came up inside of me. In other words, I reacted. I couldn’t believe that she had done this, and I said this to a friend who had stopped by shortly after I saw the video.

After my friend left, I realized I was caught. I was judging this woman for her actions. I could see so clearly how my conditioned mind loves to be right and make other people wrong and this video was superfood for righteousness and blame.

As I unhooked from my reaction, I could see so clearly that she was acting out of the pain we all carry. She was showing us the measure of her pain; how much she hurts and how much she needs compassion. For how she acts with others is a reflection on how she feels about herself.

At that moment, my heart opened to her, for I realized that what she did is something that we have all done! We may not have done it out loud or on a video that is all over social media and the news, but we have been unskillful in thought or deed to people who we felt were judging/challenging us. If you doubt that, think about a time when you have judged somebody behind their back.

We love to attack because we haven’t yet learned how to see and love the part inside of ourselves, which sees through the lens of right and wrong. It takes a lot of courage to see how much you judge others, but it helps to see that your judgment is just the safety release valve for how much you judge yourself.

The other startling thing to realize is that when we judge/attack others, we are the ones who pay the price. Yes, our minds love to be right and make other people wrong, but this tightens us and closes our hearts. It is the old adage that says, “Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

When you learn how to meet your own imperfections in your heart, it becomes so much easier to meet people with compassion who are acting unskillfully. For our hearts understand we’re all caught in the same kind of mind, tumbling from one thought to another all day long, being run by states that we don’t like inside of us like irritation, helplessness, judgment, shame, neediness and unsettling anxiousness.

Meeting people with our hearts, flies in the face of one of the core beliefs of our conditioned mind…that people are good or bad (or we are doing it right or wrong) but for just a moment, feel the possibility of not putting anybody or any part of you out of your heart and see how much easier it is to respond to an unskillful situation rather than react. The quickest way to transform negative energy is to meet it with an open heart! And meeting with compassion is not permission for people to act unskillfully. It’s about understanding that we all have our unskillful moments and instead of reacting to the situation above, we can greet it with compassion. This then allows you to be skillful in unskillful situations.

Are you willing to see yourself and others through the wisdom of your heart? Remember, the Little Prince says, “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye (to the mind).”  Are you willing to meet your imperfections with compassion? You are a mix of dark and light like all of us are. And there is no such thing as an altogether human being. We are all works in progress! When you can meet what you formerly have hated, resisted, judged and feared inside of you, you are far less likely to react to unskillfulness out there and instead respond with compassion and understanding.

They have now discovered the name of the woman who coughed and my heart aches for her. Because, as we have seen in the past, she will most likely be flooded with extremely judgmental statements on social media and even death threats. Does it help her to grow to judge her unmercifully? No! Judging/hating her doesn’t stop her behavior. In fact, if you reacted to her in person, you would only empower her reactions.

Will you join me in moving beyond the dualistic mind’s perceptions of right and wrong and instead send her compassion, send her understanding, send her love? For she is just like you, a being who is doing the best she can with the conditioning she has been given!

Are you also willing to use this experience to more deeply move from your heart so that rather than reacting to all the unskillfulness you see in the world, you respond through the wisdom of your heart? This happens more often when you forgive yourself for acting unskillfully in the past. I assure you, when you discover how to meet all of you in your heart, forgiveness, not only of yourself but of others, comes naturally.

If this calls to you, start with little places where you have closed your heart to yourself. Don’t take on the big ones right away. And start with people who trigger you in a mild way. Let the muscle of your aware heart get stronger and watch how easy it becomes to live from your heart rather than the right/wrong mind.

I thank you for all the children who are coming after us, for they deserve to live in a world where the wisdom of our hearts is stronger than the reactions in our minds.

If you would like a further exploration of this, join Mary on her DreamVisions 7 Radio Show called Your Heart is Smart. It will air on July 2nd and July 9th and then will be available to download at any time under Previous Episodes On Demand.