Free Yourself from the “No Way Out Place”

A friend of mine called me the other day and said, “Mary, I am really depressed and despondent, and I can’t seem to get out of it.” I invited my friend to shift her thinking for a moment and instead of saying “I am depressed,” to say it in a different way, “Oh, the depressed one is here.” I also told her that I believe it is a really good thing that she can’t get out of it. “Getting out of it” is what most therapy is all about. To me, the lasting healing is about “getting into it and walking through it.”

Clinical depression, including feelings of suicide, is a very real and serious diagnosis and should be treated by a medical provider. That is not what my friend was experiencing. Often people experience what my friend was experiencing (low-grade sadness, low energy, tiredness, unmotivated, etc.) and they label it “depression.” I call it the “No Way Out Place.” In truth it is bound up energy and it needs your attention. When things get really stirred up, your mind wants to get away from what it is experiencing, so it slips into the idea of “I am depressed” and it ignores what you are actually experiencing. There is a difference between the story of “I am depressed” and what is actually going on in your body and mind.

If you look at the word depression, it literally means “to press down.” When you can say to yourself, “Oh, the Depressed One is here, the one that is trying to press me down” rather than “I am depressed,” it is no longer a problem for your mind. Then, ask yourself, “What am I experiencing right now in my body?” As you check into your body, you might find that your hands are cold, or you have a lump in your throat, or your belly is tight, or your face is sweaty. Say hello to all the parts that are tight and uncomfortable as they are asking to be seen.

When you are feeling pressed down, often the most despairing and painful places inside of you begin showing themselves. And it is usually the three hidden spells (discussed in my book, What’s in the Way IS the Way) that are contributing to the feelings of depression. Spells are beliefs that we took on when we were young because life was too scary, and it felt unsafe. I call these beliefs “spells” because they are not true, and they can be lifted. The three hidden spells are:  1) “Because I am not doing it right, I am wrong;” 2) “Because I am doing it wrong, I am unlovable” and 3) “Because I am unlovable, I am all alone.” In other words, “I don’t matter.” This is the greatest illusion of all because we are not alone.

We have spent our lives running away from these spells, but in doing so, they are actually running us from underneath our everyday awareness.   What would it be like if you just shifted from “I am despondent” to “The Despondent One is here.” It is an invitation to say hello to the Despondent One inside of yourself. Say hello to “I haven’t done it right enough.” Say hello to “I don’t matter to anyone else.” Can you feel the pain of that part of you? As you shift your way of thinking, you begin to relate to your experience rather than from it. The Depressed One is not who you are. The Despondent One is not who you are. You are the one that can see and be with the parts of you that feel pressed down and despondent.

During the process of awakening, it takes a while before you can get space around the “No Way Out Place.” The voices say “There is no use. It is never going to work. I am always going to be alone. Nothing is ever going to be different. I am always going to feel like this.” It takes a while to be able to say hello to these parts of you that feel hopeless and helpless. We all carry these parts in varying degrees. When you try to outrun them (like most people do), you are half alive. So, ask yourself, are you willing to live your life half alive, or do you want to be fully alive?

The only way that you can set yourself free from these despairing voices in your head is to say, “Hello” to them. For a moment here and a moment there, say, “Hello.” It is sometimes painful, but it is the safest thing you will ever do. Yes, saying “Hello” will bring up the deepest pain from the darkest places. If you follow that pain, you will go down the rabbit hole. But, when you say “Hello” to it, acknowledge it, befriend it, and keep it company, you begin to create space around your No-Way-Out-Place. Each “Hello” is like a little stone in a path. Slowly and surely, the path gets strong enough that you can walk right out of the conditioned self and back into who you truly are.

If you have been finding meaning in my blogs, I hope you will consider joining me on September 19th at 5:30 PM PT for a free live call I’m hosting. It’s called: Can We Trust the Chaos of Our Time? We will discuss how our chaotic current times are a stepping stone, an opportunity, to facilitate your awakening and the world’s awakening. You will have a chance to ask a question during our call. If you can’t make it, we will be sending a recording to all participants and you can send your questions in ahead of time. Click this link to learn more: https://maryomalley.com/free-live-call/