Forgiving Ourselves

We are now bringing the light of the Third Question (In this moment, can I touch this with compassion?) to ourselves.  We are usually the last person that we can truly do this with.  We have been deeply trained to compare ourselves to some mythical idea of what we should be and find ourselves falling short.
This causes so much heartache.  I took on this self cruelty to the extent that I almost died of it. And that story kept on telling me that I was worthless and I wasn’t worthy of any kindness of all.  It took me a long while to discover that this was just a story in my head and I learned to relate to myself in this way because it was how as I was related to when I was young.  I took on that story hook, line and sinker.  But as I began to look, to watch the judger/protector’s story, it became clear that it wasn’t true.
In this schoolroom of the heart, I believe that one of the main tasks given to us while we are here is to see through the judger and rediscover the truth of our own hearts.  We have been exploring how to look at the judger rather than believing what it is saying.  We are now exploring how to open our hearts to ourselves.  Imagine what it was like when you first fell in love with someone.  Then imagine feeling that for yourself, exactly as you are.  Is it easy? At times it certainly isn’t.  We have been so trained to look at what we are not.  But just a little bit of conscious intention to bring kindness to ourselves brings deep changes in our lives.
As we bring a kind heart to ourselves – to every single part of ourselves – we touch on forgiveness.  Many people misunderstand what forgiveness is really about. By forgiving you are not saying that you were wrong and now you are giving yourself absolution. True forgiveness is something very different. It is about letting go of struggling with what has happened in our lives. It is about honoring every single part of our journey as a necessary part of our awakening.
I invite you to say, “I forgive you, _________,” adding your name at the end of the phrase. Just chanting this phrase can be very powerful. This will either open your heart or it will reveal the places where your heart is still closed to you. You can amplify the forgiveness mantra by saying, “For all the mistakes in your life, for all the reactions of a closed heart, I forgive you, _______. I see now that you are an awakening being and every experience of your life was necessary on the journey. I forgive you.”
Forgive the unlikable, the contracted, and even the unacceptable parts of you. Allow yourself back into your own heart. You are worthy of this kind of mercy. If your mind throws up all the reasons that you can’t be forgiven, watch how unkind the mind can be, and permit this hard edge to be forgiven. Repeat these words numerous times, making them your own and allowing them to open you to a tender, caring, relationship with yourself.