Beyond the Struggling Mind
April 1st is known as April Fool’s Day, a day for pranks and jokes. But what if the greatest joke is something that most of us don’t recognize? What if all of the struggles we have been living are just a game in our minds that cuts us off from life? What if we could truly trust life? I know that sounds like the last thing we could ever do, but I am here to tell you that it is not only possible, it is the truth!
I am not saying that there aren’t challenges in our lives because we all have them. It is the stories in our minds around our challenges that are an illusion. We deeply upset ourselves over fears about what may happen and ideas about what should or shouldn’t happen. The truth is, we are addicted to struggling with life, endlessly trying to unravel an imaginary ball of yarn while we are standing in paradise!
Author Andrew Harvey was once told by a Tibetan Lama, “When you finally see what is really going on, you will nearly die laughing!” Paradise is this living moment without any conversation attached to it. It is simply direct contact with life, which we are all deeply hungry for. Imagine getting up in the morning trusting that life is truly for you – knowing everything that happens as the day unfolds is either an invitation to be fully here with the great river of life or an experience that reveals the particular brand of struggle you are addicted to that keeps you caught in the world of your mind.
Can you feel what a relief it would be? You wouldn’t need to argue with life anymore. You wouldn’t try to control it, second guess it or even feel a victim to it. You would be fully engaged with it, letting go of the steering wheel of control. When we struggle with life, we tighten, cutting ourselves off from the joy of being alive. When we stay open to whatever comes our way, we feel exhilarated by the ride. That is the place we can live from as we see beyond our addiction to struggle and instead, open to the great adventure called life.
As you read this, your mind may be coming up with thoughts of resistance. It may even be saying that it must stay in control or nothing will happen or that bad things will happen. I know those are a very seductive ideas, but they come from our disconnection from life that stops us from noticing the great and vast intelligence that is life and its essence which is Love. Struggle will never bring us the peace we long for. Softening and opening into life will.
How do you discover that the safest thing you will ever do is show up for life as it is? Here is an invitation. When you wake up tomorrow morning, hold the intention that whatever life brings you on that day is exactly what needs to be there to release you from your struggling self and bring you back into the joy of being fully alive…fully engaged with the life you have been given.
You can also spend the day noticing that when your mind tries to control life, it inevitably tightens you – tightens your body, your mind and your heart. When you notice yourself struggling with life, take one deep breath and say to yourself, “Right now, THIS is life and it’s okay!” Know that the willingness to stop arguing with life and to stay open to it instead brings more ease into your life.
In order to stay open to life we do need to change our relationship to discomfort because many moments of our lives are challenging and even painful. More and more of us are learning how to open to the wonderful moments of life, but we haven’t been taught how to stay open in difficult times. If you are interested in exploring this further, here is a link to a chapter in my book Belonging to Life called “The Fertility of the Dark.” For now, what I can say is that our difficulties are not what they look like on the surface. Whether it is a stomach ache, heartbreak, or even a terminal diagnosis, our difficulties are doorways into the aliveness and joy we long for.
I am off to leading a retreat in Bali. I will hold you all in my heart and know that whatever comes your way is for you!
May we all be fully alive in each moment! –Mary