Turning Toward Ourselves

I invite you to work with the idea of turning toward yourself rather than away. That is what I have been doing since my house was burglarized the other day, for it woke up many feelings inside of me, feelings that I used to try to get rid of by eating.

In the middle of the night, the ego’s primal fear of being out of control and of being invaded woke me up, and for a short period of time I got caught in my mind, reliving a violent rape that happened in my early 20’s.  But when I became curious about what was happening in my mind, I could see clearly that I was caught in a story about the past.  Shifting my attention into my immediate experience allowed me to recognize that I was lying in my own bed in my own home, not reliving some past story.

Recognizing life right here and now, I then used curiosity to explore my immediate experience and became curious about what was going on in my body. I found that yukky feeling deep in my belly that comes with feeling invaded by life. And rather than turning away from it, I allowed myself to be present for it, to explore it, and as I did so, it dissolved. I then went back to sleep.

When I woke up in the morning, my mind was still stirred up like a dust storm but I was back my center, watching what was going on inside of me rather than being at its mercy. I don’t like that I was burglarized nor would I like to repeat it again. But I am willing to show up for what life is bringing me, and I trust that I can gather all the gifts that are hidden within the more difficult aspects of life.

Be light, Mary