Finding Freedom From Your Fear-Based Storyteller

By Mary O'Malley | September 8, 2015

Most people live in ideas and stories about Life rather than being fully present for it. But the truth is, what will bring you more joy than anything else is directly experiencing Life. On the journey of awakening, you learn to pull your attention out of the stories and notice that there is something else going on here. This present moment has taken the Universe 13.8 billion years to create and this moment is unlike any other moment of your life. And whether you know it or not, you deeply long for an intimate connection with Life exactly as it is right now.

If you are like most people, you experienced some level of fear when you were young and you buried it deep inside because it was too painful. So, fear runs you from underneath your everyday awareness and it is your fear-based, conditioned mind that keeps on generating stories about Life. A big part of awakening comes when you are able to be with the fear (“Fear is here.”) rather than being aligned with it (“I am afraid.”). You do this by learning how to relate to what your Storyteller is saying rather than relating from it. In other words, slowly and surely, you learn the skills to become curious about the stories and explore them rather than getting lost in them. When you discover that there is something else going on other than the Storyteller in your head, your struggling self begins to lose its power over you.

Growing up, I took on a deeper level of fear than most people. My mother had a brilliant mind, and she was into yoga and meditation. But, she was also extremely paranoid. She and my father divorced when I was twelve and after the divorce, she believed that my father had hired a man named “Kilroy” to do things that would make her go insane. She believed that whenever we left the house, Kilroy would enter and move things. For example, I remember when we would come home from school and someone left a spoon on the counter from breakfast, my mother would say with great fear, “Kilroy was here.” This continued for years. Even after my father moved to Canada and got remarried, she believed he had hired someone in Canada. And after he died, she was convinced he had hired someone in his will to continue to do things to make her go insane. I truly lived in a world of fear which eventually engulfed me.

This deep sea of fear that I grew up in was too painful to bear at times, so as a teenager and then as a young adult, I turned to food, drugs and alcohol to numb the pain. I even tried to take my own life three times. Now that I have been on the path of awakening for almost forty years, fear still comes up from time to time, but I know how to meet it with curiosity and compassion so it quiets down. In the last seven months, fear was here more than it has been for a very long time. Contributing factors were the return of my son’s cancer, my daughter’s medical challenges, working full-time while editing my book, and my own ongoing health issues. But I have to say that in the midst of these experiences, I fell more deeply in love with my “Fearful One” than ever before. Why? Because I know fear is just a very young, scared part of me that needs me. I call her “Little One” and she and I are having a wonderful love affair. Can you imagine what it is like when fear comes and rather than falling into it, it takes you to your heart? This is the healing you long for.

If you are experiencing a challenge in your life that is bringing up deep fear, know that Life is putting you in this situation to bring up your old stories of fear so you can set them free with your loving attention. And know the greatest challenges of your life are here not because you have done something wrong or that you are being punished or because God fell asleep on the job. They are here because Life wants you to see your particular brand of Storyteller and set it free with your awareness and your mercy. So, say hello to your “Little One” and bring him or her into your heart.

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