Riding Your Waves Of Fear With Kindness

My son, Micah, is slowly regaining his strength after a very intense cancer journey. He has undergone extensive chemotherapy, multiple hospitalizations and surgeries over the last eight months, and it has been a fierce process for both of us. He found out a couple of weeks ago that he has to have another, very invasive surgery and he is in the process of getting a second opinion. Supporting Micah has at times brought up incredible fear and despair, but most of the time I have been able to be with the scared and despairing parts inside of me so I could meet my son exactly where he was. 

“Meeting” another person is not about trying to fix, rescue, take the pain away, or alter his/her experience in any way. Meeting is about honoring others, allowing their process and loving them, no matter what is happening in their lives or ours. Was I able to meet Micah and myself at all times? Absolutely not, but I have been doing this work long enough to know when I am caught in fear. When this happens, I am able to give my “Scared One” the love and attention she so desperately needs and then I can bring myself back to this living moment. 

The other day, I picked up some Vietnamese food for Micah and the waitress handed me a fortune cookie. Although I can’t eat fortune cookies, I took it and read my fortune out loud when I got back into the car. It said, “You bring light to the people around you.” Micah said, “Mom, that is so true and thank you so much for how you have been with me.” I knew right then and there what he was saying; he was grateful that I had let him have his own journey without trying to make it any different. 

One day we were sitting on his porch and he was really struggling with a lot of despair. (I discovered the next day that he had stopped all of the pain medication he had been taking since his surgery and he was going through withdrawal). Listening to that kind of despair without knowing it was coming from withdrawal brought up such deep reactions inside of me that were showing up as a huge knot in my belly. I knew that my body was contracting because I was scared for him and for a while, I was caught in my reactions, and I was not fully there for him. Once I recognized it, I said to myself, “Oh, fear is here.” When I am able to give my “Scared One” the love and attention she needs to calm down, I am then able to meet Micah right where he is because I believe his soul knows what it is doing with his life. 

When challenges come (and there have been very deep, fierce challenges for me the last eight months), I often say these seven statements below because they are so powerful. They came to me one day last fall and I have used this mantra so often during this very intense time in my life. They remind me to open to Life rather than staying lost in the world of struggle and they bring me back to curiosity, spaciousness and kindness, opening the door to deep healing:

This is what Life is offering.
It is just a wave passing through.
No need to push it away.
It belongs here.
Open to it.
Touch it with kindness.
It all longs to be enfolded in your heart.

If you are going through challenges in your life right now (or perhaps you are supporting a friend or family member who is going through a very difficult time), and this is bringing up fear, open for a moment to the possibility that your soul knows what it is doing and you are right where you need to be. Ride your waves of fear with kindness and enfold them in your heart. You are now ready to meet yourself (or your loved one) exactly where you are and/or where he or she is. And that is where true and lasting healing happens.

Image – “Whiplash” by Artist Alicia Dunn  www.AliciaDunnArt.com