How Celebrity Suicides Can Heal Us

The suicides of Kate Spade, an American fashion designer, and Anthony Bourdain, a celebrity chef, are a wakeup call.  They are an invitation from Life to look closely at what really brings fulfillment into our lives.

How could two people who had so much have nothing to live for?

How could two people who had young children know the kind of despair that allowed them to abandon them?

The first thing to see is that we have been trained to believe that, if we just get enough money, fame, a perfect body, a totally accepting mate, then we will finally be happy and the hole of emptiness inside of us will be filled.

Did that happen for Kate and Anthony?  No. Of course not.  The jig is up. These people had everything that we have been told will make us happy, and it is so evident that it doesn’t work.

In our society, where it is relatively easy to try to get all the ‘good stuff’, what oftentimes happens when we arrive at the place where we finally think we should be happy, what we discover instead is an emptiness that cannot be filled by anything from the outside.

That is why there is a startling statistic:  In the last decade suicides are up 25% in some parts of the US and 30% in others!  It has also been reported that there is an 80 % increase in suicides by women from age 45 to 64. If the NIH discovered the incidence of a particular disease increased by 30 %, they would launch a major offensive to deal with it.  But we are still asleep at the wheel around suicide.

Anthony and Kate are inviting us to wake up –  to see that in all our searching, acquiring and getting, (whether it is things, fame or love) we have lost sight that what we truly long for is always with us, right here, right now.  Our true happiness comes from the inside, not the outside; from discovering how to fully be here for Life as it is.  

The other thing that these suicides are inviting us to look at is the pain and incredible mercilessness we all experience living from behind a persona – of pretending that we are more together than we are. Our preconceptions and expectations keep us living in the past and in the future, rarely actually being here, really here for Life.  Just watch one of Anthony’s latest shows.  Would you guess that this was a person who was close to the edge?  The masks we all wear can be so strong that we don’t even notice we are a human doing rather than a human being.

The harsh truth is that for most people, it is not safe to be themselves. And that includes you.  If you don’t agree, I invite you to imagine you are in a crowded restaurant and all your thoughts are broadcast over a loud speaker.  Did you cringe? There is a lot inside of that you feel is not okay and even bad and wrong.  But the crazy thing is that we all feel this way.  We have forgotten how to accept our humanness!  We have forgotten how to be kind with our imperfections and thus kind to others, for we are all perfectly imperfect!

If you are in the kind of despair that makes suicide feel like a good option, find someone to speak your truth to, somebody who won’t try to fix you or judge you – somebody who will just listen.   If you feel a loved one may be able to do this, begin by telling them you just want them to listen with no feedback.  The power of being heard is incredibly healing.

And if you have no one in your life that can listen, call the suicide prevention line at 1-800-273-8255.  They are amazing.  And they know that contemplating suicide is not bad or wrong or even selfish. They understand the kind of despair that can make suicide feel like the only way out.

If you have a friend that is in a tailspin, all the experts say ask them what is going on.  And then LISTEN!  Just listen.  This allows their thoughts and feelings to begin to move through them.

And be willing to get to know how your mind believes that you will be happy sometime in the future, when you get it all together.  Instead of getting lost in that idea, take moments to soften your belly, allowing a long slow out-breath and opening to the exquisite beauty and creativity of Life as it is, right here, right now. Your mind will take over again but know that every moment you open to Life exactly as it is, is a moment of healing, a moment when you are nourished by what is rather than what may be.