Your Words Matter

This is the third blog in our series on the power of kindness to bring healing in this time of chaos.  The first was about perceiving other people with kindness.  The second was about actions of kindness and this one is about how your words matter.   

Michelle Obama was interviewed by Gail King from CBS This Morning on the day her new book, Becoming came out.  When Gail asked if she still stands by her motto, “When they go low, we go high,” she responded by saying, “What’s the alternative?  You learn that vindication in the moment is so short term.” 

She also said, “Going low means you’re operating from your place of emotion, not results. More often than not, you don’t get results when you go low,” she said.  “You just get your attitude out.” 

“When you’re in the White House and you have that platform and that responsibility where every word matters, you’re often thinking – at least Barack and I often thought – is what we’re about to say going to help? Is it going to move the needle forward? Or is it just going to make us feel vindicated in the moment?” She then added, “The goal is moving forward.” 

“Going high doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings and you don’t express them – that you don’t acknowledge hurt or pain or anger,” she said.  “Going high means how do you express that feeling in the world and how do you do that responsibly?”  

At the end of her book, Michelle said, “Let’s invite one another in. Maybe then we can begin to fear less, to make fewer wrong assumptions, to let go of the biases and stereotypes that unnecessarily divide us. Maybe we can better embrace the ways that we are the same.” Gail said that what she heard when she read this was let kindness in. Michelle responded by saying, “I have traveled the country. I saw the heart of who we are.  Forget race, party, ethnicity, gender, people who agree with us or not.  People were kind.  They were worried and have issues, but everybody is working for the same thing and I got to see that part of America.” 

So, the invitation is to know that your words matter, whether you are talking to a loved one, a stranger or even someone you are having difficulty with at work.  When you relate to people there are always challenges, always differing points of view.  You can either add to the breakdown that is happening by what you say, or you can add to the healing.  So, Michelle is asking you to pause for a moment and ask, “How do you express that feeling in the world and how do you do that responsibly?” 

I leave you again with one of the most powerful messages you can hear at this time from the ~Dhammapada, a revered collection of Buddhist scriptures:  

Hatred never ceases through hatred at any time. It is only by love it is healed. This is an unalterable law. 

I invite you to use your words to weave a tapestry of kindness throughout your daily life. And when you can, be kind with the reactions in your mind.