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The Calm in the Center of the Storm

At times, life can be like a hurricane and we never know when a storm is going to show up.  For 4 years both of my children were dealing with life threatening illnesses at the same time.  That is a category 5 hurricane!  These storms can also show up as a difficult diagnosis, the loss of a loved one, the ending of an important relationship, an automobile accident.

While I had done a lot of work in learning how to show up for whatever life was offering, the feelings that came during the time my children were so ill were beyond fierce.  But I saw that when I was caught in the storms, I was not present for my children.  I want to share with you three things I used so I didn’t have to be at the mercy of the storms.  These suggestions can help calm your mind when it is upset and open your heart when it is closed, allowing you to discover and rest in the eye of the hurricane.

1. Allow a couple of long slow out-breaths.

When we are meeting a challenge, we have a tendency to tighten our bodies and hold our breath, which only creates more stress inside of us.  Most people don’t know the phenomenal power of breath to calm themselves when they are agitated.  They are also told to take deeper in-breaths, which quickly fade away because it takes effort.

Instead, your out-breath is the key to turning on the calming aspect of your nervous system. Right now, allow one long slow out-breath, going a bit beyond where you usually end a breath.  It can be helpful to imagine blowing out a candle to lengthen your breath. As a result, a more open in-breath automatically arises.

You can even add the great sound of letting go, ‘ahh’ as you breathe out, which helps immensely in quieting down the agitation that comes with big challenges. Since I was a single parent for most of the time my children were growing up, I sometimes joke with them that the reason they are alive today is because I was able to cultivate the sanctuary of a long slow out-breath over and over again!

2. Ask yourself the question, “What is my mind thinking about right now?”

If you are like most people, you have been listening to the stories your mind has been telling you for your entire life (and believing most everything it says).  To recognize what story your mind is running at any given time is a moment of healing. It is the difference between saying, “I am anxious.”  And “anxiousness is here.”

To acknowledge that anger is here, or fear, or restlessness, or judgment or even despair, is a moment when you are relating to what your mind is saying rather than from it. You can even give different stories a name (make sure it is a kind name, even for the so-called unlikable parts) and say, “I see you.” That is a moment where you are no longer identifying yourself by the stories in your head. This worked like magic during those years of my children’s illnesses.  The fear that arose was so fierce but not stronger than my ability to see it as a story in my head.

You may only be able to see a story for a moment before you fall back into it, but those kinds of moments matter and they accumulate.  Slowly you become the space that all your stories are happening in.

3. Bring your attention out of the stories in your head (the winds of the hurricane).

The storyteller in your head causes you to experience thoughts about life rather than being present for it. When you find yourself caught in your struggling mind, it helps immensely to realize that all the while you are paying attention to your struggling self, life is unfolding around you with all its aliveness, magic, and newness.

Pause for a moment in your reading and open to this moment.  It is the only moment that matters in your whole life.  Really see, hear, and feel it, for this is where the eye of the hurricane resides. No matter how challenged your stories are, birds are still singing, clouds are dancing across the sky and life is breathing you!

When the storms of life come, and they always do, these tools can be used individually, or step-by-step, depending upon the particular challenge you are facing.  They will help you relax and allow the fierce winds of life to blow through, resting in the eye of the hurricane as you access your ‘natural calm’ no matter what is happening in your life.

  1. “…resting in the eye of the hurricane as you access your ‘natural calm’ no matter what is happening in your life.”

    As always, thank you, Mary, for this life giving reminder to breath in all circumstances. I have been using your breath guidelines, and even for just a few minutes, it is helpful for me and my overall health. Yes, we hold our breaths rather than embracing them as the life giving gift they are for us. Thank you!