A Ghost in My Freezer

When my children were growing up, we decided that there was a ghost who lived in our house and her name was Elvira. She loved socks, pens, and scissors and she even liked homework!

I thought when I moved that Elvira would no longer be in my life, but I discovered that she lives in my freezer! I cook many things in bulk such as bone broth, green veggie soup and my fish. And I very neatly put these containers in the freezer, along with my ice bags, frozen veggies and a few frozen meals for treats.

But every time I go into the freezer, things are moved around. I can’t find my ice bags or my latest container of fish or my frozen peas and carrots. I swear it’s not me that moves them (even though I’m the only one that uses the freezer).  So, it must be Elvira!

You may not have an Elvira that lives with you, but I am sure you’ve noticed this uncontrollability of life. You clean a drawer only to have it become disorganized; you balance your checkbook only to have the amounts look like they have a mind of their own; you get your mate to be the way you want them to be, only to have them revert back to their normal mode; and you style your hair exactly how you want it to be only to have it become messy later in the day (or even just a few minutes later!). One moment it seems like you’ve got everything under control and the next moment life seems to escape the prison of your management.

What do we do with this? We struggle. We want life to be the way we want it to be and we want it to stay the same!  And yet life is a constantly flowing river. Imagine what it would be like if, rather than trying to control this wild and wonderful dance of life, your main intention was to connect!

This is scary for our minds because we have been trained that safety only comes through control. But if you look closely you will see this keeps us caught in struggle, cut off from the joy of actually being present for the creative unfolding of our lives—present for the only moment that matters—now.

We can spend our lives trying to make life be what we think it should be or we can discover how to relax into the flow. Yes, it is constantly changing, becoming easy and then difficult; joyous and sorrowful. But showing up for life as it is, is the truest and most real safety.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes that speak about this shift from trying to control life to connecting with it instead:

“Do I prefer to grow up and relate to life directly, or do I choose to live and die in fear?”  ~Pema Chodron

“When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.”                                                                                                ~Buddha

“Rather than trying to create a reality, freedom comes when we discover how to show up for reality!”                                                                                    ~Mary O’Malley

“Let life happen to you. Believe me: life is in the right, always.”   ~Rainer Maria Rilke

Hearing these truths touches something deep inside of us and yet the mind will almost instantaneously take over and say, “How do I do that?”, which takes us right back into the world of control.

Instead, give yourself the gift of what I call ‘the pause that refreshes.’ Whether you’re sitting at a stoplight, watching TV or waiting at the doctor’s office, simply pause and allow a long, slow out-breath, the kind of breath that calms the busyness of our minds and opens the tightness in our bodies.  For just a moment actually relax into life—relax into the living reality rather than just thinking about it.

Over and over, give yourself this nourishing gift and slowly watch how connection makes much more sense than control.