Life is a River

Many years ago, a friend of mine offered me her cabin, which is beside the wild and wonderful Nooksack River in the Cascade Mountains of the Pacific Northwest. At the end of my stay, I was sitting on my favorite rock with my eyes closed and my feet immersed in the river. As I listened to the music of the river and the forest surrounding it, in a flash I experienced all of life as a river.

In that moment, I left my normal, everyday consciousness and became a part of the river of life. I could see that this river had been unfolding long before I showed up and will continue long after I leave. And I could see that this moment was the only place where I could become a conscious part of it.

As I fully engaged, I could feel the vast, magnificent intelligence of this river of life. Everything we see on this planet is made up of atoms that were once a part of a star and life was able to weave these atoms into flowers, rocks, giraffes and you!

I could also feel my heart beating with all the myriad hearts inside the countless beings on our planet and I could feel our hearts beating as one heart. For a few precious and miraculous minutes, I was no longer separate from life. I was at one with it!

As I drove home, did my ordinary everyday consciousness begin to reassert itself? Yes. (darn it!) On the river, I was spaciousness itself and now my mind was condensing down into a world that was much smaller. Rather than being at the mercy of this, I lived in the question, “How can I know more of the spaciousness that comes from recognizing myself as a part of this miraculous and creative unfolding?”

What came from that question was the ability to see that I would lose sight of my natural spaciousness when my mind resists discomfort. What would it be like, I asked myself, if discomfort didn’t cause me to tighten and resist? What would it be like, if I could stay spacious around even the uncomfortable parts of life?

I began to hold the intention to stay interested when discomfort came, whether it was physical, mental or emotional. And slowly and surely, I discovered how to be as spacious around discomfort as I was at the river…not all the time but more and more.

I could also see that my river of life is constantly changing. One day it is placid and slow-moving and the next day it is stage five rapids. Slowly I learned how to not hold on to the quiet easy times and not resist the difficult. I had a lot of practice in this because for years both of my children were critically ill, and I was having challenges with my health too. I even began to trust it for I saw that one of the reasons life was giving me those really big challenges was so I could get to intimately know the suffering that comes when we close down around the difficult in our life and the joy that comes when we stay open.

Does this journey back into our natural spaciousness and openness happen overnight? No. It’s a journey! And sometimes it hurts but it is the hurt of opening back up again. Imagine you are outside on a frigid day without gloves. When you come inside your hands are extremely cold. You put them under lukewarm water and slowly the contraction begins to loosen, and the blood begins to flow in your hands again and at moments it is very painful.

That is a good metaphor for what it’s like on our journey when we realize that we have been trained in being reactive and resistant. And as we begin to tap into our natural spaciousness, it can sometimes hurt as we move through our habitual holdings and back into our natural spaciousness.

We so fear discomfort that we prefer to stay in our contracted and resistant mind rather than let go of our ancient holdings. We are so familiar with being tight and small that we are afraid when life comes and invites us to open again. But I am here to tell you that to stay open around contraction is one of the most healing things you can ever do.

Life is a river and it is always changing. It is safe to let go and show up for whatever the river is offering!