A New Way for 2020
What would it be like if your compulsions were no longer a problem that you need to get rid of? What would it be like if, instead, they became doorways into the clarity, peace and joy you long for? This is entirely possible. You can release yourself from your compulsive urges and also become free from the core compulsion we all have, the compulsion to struggle with ourselves and with our lives.
The first step in healing your compulsions is to see that they promise so much, saying just let me take over and you will feel so much better. But if we were honest with ourselves, feeling better is a short-term affair and then they leave devastation in their wake. You can make a fool of yourself when you drink too much, or your pants get tighter because you ate too much, or you become snappy and frustrated because you did too much, or you get lung disease because you smoked too much.
Then in January, most of us make the resolve to stop the behaviors, which are causing difficulties in our lives, only to go back to them a few weeks or a few months later. Then we most likely feel the cruelty of self-judgment and despair.
Your compulsion, rather than being the enemy, can be a guide through the world of struggle and back into a deep and trust filled relationship with yourself and with your life! To discover how to connect with your compulsions, rather than trying to control them, we need to first look at how we have been with them and recognize that it doesn’t work. The US Surgeon General reports that 95% of all weight that is lost in the US in gained back PLUS SOME within a year and a half! Why is that? Because what we resist, we empower. How we work with our compulsions doesn’t work in the long run.
There is another way to work with compulsions, a way that not only heals them but also heals you too. It’s about learning how to listen and discovering that your compulsions are wise teachers and allies on the journey back to a trust-filled connection with yourself and with life.
It certainly happened for me and for many people I have worked with over the years. I tried over and over again to stop my drug and alcohol consumption and to limit my overeating, but all my attempts at control failed. Was that because I was a weak-willed ninny? No! Control doesn’t work because it is a LAW of the psyche that what you resist you empower!
Instead of always trying to control my behavior, I was taught how to be curious about what I was experiencing rather than trying to change it. And as I learned how to be curious about what was happening within me when I was compulsive, my compulsions calmed down. I no longer drink alcohol and do drugs and my body has stayed the same weight for years and I eat what feels right to me. So it is another law of the psyche that what you embrace ceases to have power over you.
I know that to see your compulsions as your ally and teacher may feel impossible right now and for many years that was true for me. I can feel the self-hate and the despair that was present in all those years where I was extremely compulsive, trying to control my compulsions, only to have them control me. I felt like such a failure. At times it seemed impossible that I would ever get free from my compulsions and the struggles that fueled them.
But over the years, I learned not to struggle with my compulsions. The more curious I became, the thoughts and feelings that were fueling my compulsions, along with my compulsions, began to lose their power over me. I didn’t need to stop my compulsions. They just gradually let go on their own.
If this interests you, I invite you to become a part of my online course Being Healed by Our Compulsions starting January 29th, currently priced $100 off. I want you to know it all comes from my own experience of healing and being healed by my compulsions. It also comes from many people down through the years who I’ve shown how to bring this new way into their lives, and they are so grateful for it.
If want to know more about the course, I invite you to CLICK HERE and listen to a short Masterclass video on compulsions. It will give you a sense of what we will be exploring as you learn how to shift your relationship with your compulsions.
Also, I’m doing a free webinar: Our Compulsions as Our Guide Back to Joy. Come explore how your compulsion can become a guide back into ease and joy on January 15th, 5:30 p.m. PST. Click the link to register.