The Sanctuary of Bathrooms

Bathrooms are sanctuaries. “A sanctuary, you say?  That sounds ridiculous!”

It stops seeming ridiculous when you realize a sanctuary is a place of refuge and safety. I first discovered that I could use bathrooms in this way when my children were little, and I attended a parenting class. One of the suggestions was, when you were dealing with a meltdown, both your children’s and your own, to give yourself a time out in the bathroom!

It was magic. I locked myself in, connected with my breath and usually, a few minutes later, I could come out and engage with my children in a responsive way rather than a reactive one. I began appreciating bathrooms in a whole new way.

I then learned how to do this when I was at family gatherings and when craziness began to show up, usually because people were drinking alcohol, I would ground and center myself in the bathroom.

But bathrooms had a lot more to give me. When I began to realize that most of  the time I was thinking about life rather than actually experiencing it, and I struggled mightily to be present for life (which never works for trying takes you out of the present), I discovered that I could use the washing of my hands to invite my attention into the present. The sound of the water, the feeling of warmth (or cold), the smell of the soap became one of my favorite things to gift myself with during the day.  Of course, there were days when I totally forgot to be present while washing my hands. At the beginning I would judge myself, but slowly that faded as I became fascinated by what was happening on a particular day where being present for washing my hands totally flew out the window.

Bathrooms had even more to give me. For the first 3, almost 4 decades of my life, I thought myself so ugly that I avoided looking in a mirror.  I first really saw my face as a reflection in a window and I was stunned that what I thought I looked like and what I actually did were so different. I began, very slowly at first, to look at myself in the mirror when I finished washing my hands. At the beginning, there would be that old tug to see ugliness but slowly, as I stayed with it, I began to really see my face, it colors, its lines, its wrinkles, the play of shadow and light and how everything changed from day to day.

And still, it took me a number of years before I could look myself in my eyes. Now it is one of the great joys of my life, to meet myself, eye to eye, in a mirror and feel deep love. And sometimes I even wink!

The wonderful thing about bathrooms being a sanctuary is that they are everywhere! They are in airplanes, parks, stores, theaters, where you work and in your home. So, no matter where you are and no matter what is happening, know that a place of refuge and safety is just a few steps away.