Say ‘Thank You’ To The Difficult People In Your Life
I like to say that the people who drive you crazy have been hired by the Central Casting Company of Life. They are here to bring up what is asking to be healed inside of you. The annoying, irritating, button-pusher people in your life are waking up very young, reactive parts of you so you can set them free with your accepting attention.
I go to the gym three times a week to swim in the pool and oftentimes there is another woman who swims around the same time. After we swim, she typically gets to the locker room before me. It has one long bench for every 40 lockers and this woman literally covers the entire bench with her stuff. She does the same kind of thing when she is in the shower. There are two showers next to each other and there are hooks just outside the shower doors for each one of the showers. She puts her bathing suit on one hook and her towel on the next shower’s hook. The first few times this happened, the young part of me wanted to take all of her stuff and pile it in the corner and then tell her how inconsiderate she is. But, I didn’t do that. Rather, I turned inward to see what this was bringing up inside of me.
As I became more curious about the reaction inside of me (I had an older sister with whom I shared a bedroom for most of my childhood and she took up a lot of the space, so no wonder this woman came into my life at the gym!), it calmed down. I began to realize that this woman doesn’t have a good sense about sharing space with others and that is nothing to judge because we all have our blind spots. Now, each time I see her at the gym, I silently greet her with my heart. Rather than reacting, I skillfully clear a spot for myself on the bench so I can sit down and get dressed. And when I take a shower, I hang my towel over my shower door or just place it on the floor. When this happens, I feel gratitude that she showed me an old reactive part of myself that I can now meet in my heart (and I can also meet this woman in my heart). Sometimes when I encounter her at the gym, I wonder, “What happened to her?” Something happened to cause her to be so unaware of other people’s needs. Then I remember that something happened to all of us (we all have our own story), and I don’t need to figure it out. I just need to live my life with an open heart because people do the best they can with what they know at the moment.
What would it be like to live this way rather than getting caught in reaction? We absorbed so much guilt, shame, loneliness, and anger when we were young. Consciousness is all about a shift in perception, and a big part of it is being able to access your curiosity when you are in the middle of difficulties in your life so you don’t get caught in the reactive stories in your head. Whenever the difficult, button-pushers show up in my life, I always remember what my mentor, Stephen Levine, once told me, “Even with the worst, most despicable person, there is heart there, somewhere.” So, say thank you to the difficult people in your life. They are helping you to heal by showing you how your heart closes and how it can open again.
Image – ‘Into Another Place’ by Artist Eric Zener www.ericzener.com