Giving Up Struggle

Deepak Chopra tells a story about former President Ronald Regan during his later years with Alzheimer’s disease. One day he was at a doctor’s office where there was a model of the White House. As he became fascinated with it, Nancy asked him what he thought it was. He said he was not sure, but that it had something to do with him. As his thoughts lost their cohesiveness, President Regan lost most of the ideas he had about who he was. What if we all have some kind of Alzheimer’s – not one that makes us forget who we think we are, but a version that makes us forget who we truly are?

Dr. Jeff Rediger went to visit the Brazilian healer John of God and admitted to being very skeptical.  When confronted with experiences that his rational mind could not explain, he said that his whole version of reality was turned upside down and he realized that none of this is what we think it is and the only thing that is real is Love. What if we suddenly realized that we have been lost in a dream of who we think we are and could re-member who we really are?

I invite you to come sit with me on the moon for the next few minutes. In my imagination I have a couple of armchairs up there, and I love to sit there and see life from a broader perspective. As we gaze at the earth before us, it looks very peaceful. Now let us zoom in for a closer look. If we look really closely, we will see that most human beings are walking around with cloud banks of thoughts surrounding their heads. Rather than being here for the amazing creativity of life, they are totally absorbed in their thoughts about life.

Now imagine yourself living your life with a cloud bank of thoughts around your head, and then see it being blown away by the wind. See yourself recognizing that you are not the struggle that fills your head all day long! And see joy begin to dance through your whole being as you realize that there is something in you right here right now that is bigger than your struggling self. This is what Dr. Rediger recognized when he realized the only thing that is real is Love.

As you are reading this, even though you may be focusing on your thoughts, that doesn’t take away the truth that the field of Love is always here. It is the space that your struggling self is happening in! How do we come to know and live from this space – the space that is who we truly are? It is not by trying to get there. That is just more struggle. It comes from learning how to watch, with great compassion, your mind’s game of struggle. The more you watch and listen, the less you get hooked into it, and your cloud begins to lift revealing the field of Love underneath.

In my book The Gift of Our Compulsions I explore the idea that our core compulsion is to struggle – that all other compulsions are an attempt to numb out from our mostly subtle, but sometimes very dramatic urge to struggle with everything. In this time of year, we often resolve to stop behaviors we don’t like, but we don’t realize that struggling with them just doesn’t work, and the truth is, we usually go back to our compulsions after a fairly short period of time (or choose another one!).

To work with compulsion in the old way is like pulling out the leaves of a dandelion plant, only to have the pesky thing grow right back. This year, what about working with the source of your compulsions – the addiction to struggle itself. What about allowing yourself to understand that you are that which can see all the problems that your mind manufactures and see them with the kind of compassion that allows them to dissipate like the morning fog lifts under the gaze of the sun.

This kind of healing comes from a commitment to see and love all the struggles inside of you rather than trying to get rid of them. Believe it or not, they are just like you. When somebody really listens to you, you relax and are able to let go of what was troubling you. The same is true for all the struggling parts of you.

So I invite you to look at your compulsions in a new way – to see them as teachers. In listening to them Life will show how to unhook from the game of struggle and slowly, just like the light dawns in the morning, you will remember who you truly are.

If this intrigues you, you can read the introduction to The Gift of our Compulsions by following the link below.
https://maryomalley.com/Chapters/GoC_Introduction.pdf

Be light, Mary

P.S. – My next Hawaii retreat will be in February 2012.  If you are interested, please visit my website at https://maryomalley.com/Offerings