The Sacred Opportunity of Challenges

A woman I worked with who was dealing with food compulsions shared this powerful writing with me, and I am delighted she gave me permission to share it with you. She speaks so clearly about opening to Life and what to do when we again close.

“This morning I stepped outside and into life. I stood on the doorstep, listening to the drip of melting snow, watching birds flit to and from the feeder, pink clouds floating above the trees, soft light illuminating bare branches, the little dog sniffing the warm air. Awareness expanded into space, naturally, like a body stretching just because it feels good. Mind quieted and joy arose, just like that. This “I” a faded prayer flag fluttering in the breeze. “This is what it’s like to die into life,” I thought. Then the wind chime next to me sounded–once, twice, three times–like the gong that calls us back to meditation.

“In moments like this, I meet the great reality and know it is good. After this meeting ends, the memory of it remains. I experienced that; there is no taking that away. When I’m curled back up into a ball of fear and wanting, the heart still remembers that experience of opening and knows it can open again. It will open…but not through force of will, and certainly not because I weigh this or that! Moments like this make it so clear that happiness is here not there, in this body, not in that body I wish I had (again), in this mind, not in that mind I would have if only I were less reactive and more disciplined; in this life, not in some other life I might be living. This insight is sure to fly away; but, for now, it rests lightly in my palm, like a little bird.

“Last night I got more deeply why ‘it’s all okay’ and how we could say to the most unwanted mind/body state, ‘You can stay here forever, if you like’ (and really mean it). If our ultimate intention is to awaken awareness and compassion, then every unwanted thought, feeling, and experience offers a sacred opportunity to realize this intention. Every wretched mood met with kindness, every fear embraced with empathy, every judging thought met with understanding of its motivation to protect us from rejection, every roll of fat gently stroked, every ‘crowd of sorrows’ sheltered in our heart–every unwanted visitor calls us back to awareness and compassion. And this is happening.

“This is what I would call the sacred opportunity of suffering. I wouldn’t call it the purpose of suffering (to refrain from making assertions about reality that I can’t prove). But there is no question that every moment of suffering presents an opportunity of choice: We can choose to relate to the suffering with compassion or aggression, with awareness or ignorance–and choosing compassion and awareness is the path of awakening, as I understand and experience it at this stage of the journey.  When I’ve forgotten all of this, may these words remind me of what I once knew.”