The Nourishment of Caring

The storyteller in your head that talks all day long says things like, “I like this, I don’t like that” and “I did this right, I did this wrong.”  This is your fear-based mind and as you watch it carefully, you will see it likes and dislikes all day long. And one of its favorite things to do is to make you think that you are not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, present enough, nice enough or just simply enough.

When you feel that you are not good enough or right enough or worthy of love, it is a beacon for self-love. A friend of mine went to Jeff Foster’s 5-day retreat in Boulder, Colorado. Jeff said to the group, “Stop trying to heal yourself, fix yourself, even awaken yourself. Let go of letting go. Stop trying to fast-forward the movie of your life, chasing futures that never seem to arrive. Instead, bow deeply to yourself as you actually are. Your pain, your sorrow, your doubts, your deepest longing, your fearful thoughts…are not mistakes, and they aren’t asking to be healing. They are asking to be held. Here, now, lightly, in the loving arms of present awareness.”

“Whatever is arising is not here to be healed. It is here to be held!” Can you feel how nurturing this is? What he is saying is that all the struggles inside of you don’t so much need to be fixed as they long to be held and touched by your heart.

I like the word cradle because it feels so nurturing. Can you cradle the thing you most don’t like about yourself? To me, cradling whatever it is that is showing up in your life is all about softening your body, giving what you are experiencing the space to be here, and then touching it with your heart. And if you don’t know how to do this, simply say, “Life, show me how to cradle whatever is causing me pain so I can enfold it in my heart.”

If you don’t know what is in need of your own tenderness, use a relationship in your life to help you see what is requesting to be held/cradled. If you are like most people, you often try to find love and acceptance from others, especially your immediate family members. Maybe you just had a conversation with your mother, friend, husband, sister, wife or son and you are angry or sad because you feel like this important person in your life doesn’t understand you and can’t give you what you need.

It is heartbreaking when you constantly try to get the people in your life to see and hear you. Why? Because sometimes they can and sometimes, they can’t.  But an amazing shift happens when you realize YOU are the person who can give yourself what you want others to give you. YOU are the one who can cradle the hurt/upset inside of you. YOU are the person that can give yourself the love you so desperately need.

I invite you to begin to notice what is going on in your mind and body when you feel like you are not getting what you need from another, especially the people who are the closest to you. Ask yourself, “What is it that I am expecting this person to give to me?” Then put your hand on your heart and ask life to show you how to give it to yourself, for you are the one who deeply needs your own listening and love.

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