January 6th through New Eyes

On this journey through cancer and having to take a drug for the rest of my life that unsettles my body, there is a truth that has been deeply amplified for me. That truth is reaction doesn’t lead to any good place. When I react to how yucky I feel, my body tightens, my mind goes into resistant mode and my emotions go on a wild rollercoaster ride.

When I remind myself that resistance is futile because this IS life right now, my mind quiets down, my heart opens and then I can respond. Oh, the deliciousness of moving from resistance and reaction back into the spaciousness of heart wisdom. It’s better than chocolate! And in my world, that’s saying a lot!

Meeting what we are experiencing from the wisdom of our heart is the opposite of the liking/disliking, good/bad, right/wrong world of our minds. Identifying with the tight and small world of our mind is like putting a dropper of dye in a glass of water. It’s so very dark and murky you can’t see through the glass. But since our hearts have room for everything, when we meet what we are experiencing through heart wisdom, it is like putting the same dropper of dye in a pool. You can see clearly all the way down to the bottom. To react with your mind is to be stuck in unclarity. To respond with the wisdom of your heart, you will be floating in the pool of spaciousness.

We have all been conditioned to react to what is unpleasant, whether it’s a headache, a loud person on the subway or a betrayal by a friend. We have experiences where it seems that the only option is to react but the more you explore reaction, the more you see the price you pay. It sends stress hormones rushing throughout your body, it increases your blood pressure, and tightens your muscles until you end up with backaches, jaw aches and headaches.  It also creates tension and upsets in your relationships.

This blog came out of watching reactions inside of me from what happened on January 6th at the capitol in Washington DC. I felt anger for politicians who, even though the Supreme Court, the Justice Department and every single Secretary of State in every single state reported that there was little or no election fraud, still spread lies that culminated in the debacle at the capitol. And I am sad to say, they are still doing so.

I felt fear for where this could be leading us and also deep sadness for the lives that were lost to these lies. I felt embarrassment for the US as people all around the world saw such chaos in democracy. I felt dismay that the politicians spreading these lies took absolutely no responsibility for what happened on that day.

It quickly became evident the price I was paying for being seduced into reaction, so I didn’t stay caught in these feelings for very long. As I began to recognize and acknowledge them without judgment, they began to move through me like clouds in the sky rather than being stuck inside of me. And I then remembered that all great challenges, whether it is cancer, or an insurrection at the capitol, always come with gifts embedded in them. And the bigger the challenge, the bigger the gift.

I then asked myself, “How can I keep my heart open to people that were a part of this?” I remembered being at a workshop with Steven Levine and 600 other people. He asked us if we could allow Hitler back into our hearts. There was a collective, “No!” that raced like wildfire through the room. But slowly, Steven took us back to Hitler as a teenager and a few people could begin to open their hearts. He then took us back to Hitler as a child, and a few more people opened their hearts. And finally, he took us back to Hitler as a baby and most of the people in the room could then open their hearts. He then asked us to imagine what happened to him to destroy his innocence and completely lock his heart.

From that day forward, do you think I was able to keep my heart open to the difficult people in my life? No. It is been a gradual process of recognizing my reactions, the price I paid for reacting, and the compassion to see that we all carry deep pain. Unskillful actions always come from pain we have buried deep inside. This allowed me to grow and mature over the years, discovering more quickly how to respond rather than react.

I invite you to at least begin to contemplate the possibility that the more unskillful a person’s actions are, the more hurt they have buried deep inside. Does this condone the actions on that day? No. People need to be held accountable. Does this condone the actions of people who have deeply hurt you? No! But if we judge them as bad and put them out of our hearts, we are continuing what has been passed down for generations. Does this mean they become your friend again? Maybe not. As Steven would say, “You can put them out of your life but don’t put them out of your heart.”

As we are maturing as a species, rather than our minds drawing lines in the sand, we can become more flexible, free from the poison that can come from, ‘I am right, and you are wrong.’ So, start with the person that causes little irritations in your life and know that their unskillfulness comes because they don’t know how to get out of the world of reaction. Then, and this is a radical step, go back and look at videos of the violence that happened on January 6th and for a moment here and a moment there, see their pain and touch them with compassion.

And maybe this is the most radical step of all – see the politicians who are still fueling this myth as just being caught in the world of their minds. Does it make a difference that you have a moment of compassion for them? It may not seem so, but it really does. For a moment of compassion here and a moment of compassion there coalesce until more and more of us wake up to the compassion that will heal this world.

We have received so much positive response for Falling in Love with You that we are rerunning our holiday special for Valentine’s Day. It is so important to love yourself first with your whole being, so you can embrace others with the warmth of your heart.

This is a wonderful little book to share with everyone you love and care about. From now until Valentines Day: buy three Falling in Love with You paperbacks from my website and get a fourth one for free. It will automatically be included in your package.

Falling in Love with You: Nuggets of wisdom for a heartfelt life is available on our website and Amazon paperback & eBook.