Wag More, Bark Less

On my morning walk a few days ago I saw a delightful bumper sticker… “Wag more. Bark less.” After a good chuckle, awareness reminded me that we oftentimes use that idea to override ourselves – to expect ourselves to be different than what we are. While it is a good intention to have, if we don’t learn how to wag more and bark less with ourselves, we miss the point!

We are so used to barking at ourselves. We are trained to deny, override, change or just fall into our inner experiences. When we are angry or sad or scared, we usually get lost in the feeling or try to get away from it as fast as we can. In other words, we leave ourselves when we most need ourselves. 

We also have been deeply trained to judge ourselves. We ‘bark’ mean things to ourselves when we are the most vulnerable. If we would talk to our friends like we talk to ourselves, we wouldn’t have any friends! And yet, you are the only person that you will wake up with every morning of your life and the only person you will go to sleep with every night. Wouldn’t it make a huge difference in your life if you could touch yourself with kindness, even when you aren’t doing it ‘right’ (says the mind)? 

In my world, one of the most healing things that can happen to an individual is to learn how to love ourselves AS WE ARE. We are all a mixture of dark and light, and one of the most courageous things a person can do (and one of the most healing for the world) is to embrace the entirety of ourselves in our own hearts. There is NO such thing as an altogether human being. We are all perfectly imperfect!

I learned a lot from Stephen Levine about ‘wagging’ more with myself, especially with his work around forgiveness and loving kindness. This all coalesced into a wonderful little mantra that, for me, immediately brings me back into my heart. This mantra reminds me to give myself the light of my own compassionate attention whether I am feeling unwell, a wave of fear is showing up, or even when my mind is chaotic and struggling.

The mantra is, “As is. I’m Here.” On the in-breath, you say silently to yourself, “As is.”  “As is” points to the willingness to allow ourselves to be exactly as we are in this moment. It is the art of letting go of struggling with whatever is (our usual mode) and instead moving into the release that comes from welcoming it. I often remember the Beatles song, Let it Be when I say “As Is.”  Then “I’m here,” (on the out breath) is the willingness to be keenly curious and attentive to what is, giving it the loving attention it needs in order to let go and move right on through us.

These four little words allow us to meet ourselves exactly as we are—the light and the dark, the clear and the confused, the kind and the mean, the acceptable and the unacceptable. It is an invitation to move beyond the seemingly endless struggle to be what we think we should be and instead, meet ourselves as we are. This ability to notice and then welcome whatever we are experiencing is absolute magic. It allows us to let go of the cramped space of struggle and instead embrace all the parts of our being so we can receive the loving acceptance we are hungry for from the source that really matters, ourselves.