It is Safe to Open to Life

One of the core things we are exploring together is the art of truly experiencing whatever we are experiencing! You may respond, “I do that.” But most of us don’t. Most of us think about what we are experiencing rather than actually being in the experience. To paraphrase the famous John Lennon quote, “Life is what is happening while we are busy making other plans.” 

For example, let’s say you have a headache. If you watch your thoughts closely, you will see that they are focused on resisting and getting rid of the headache. I have learned, however, that turning away from what we are experiencing is the breeding ground for suffering because our resistance keeps us caught in an endless struggle with what is. Turning toward what we are experiencing with curiosity and compassion, on the other hand, opens us to the possibility of true healing and the joy of being fully alive.   

Why do we turn away from our experience when one of our deepest longings is to be fully alive? Why do we react to what is showing up rather than responding to it – whether it is a headache, a heartache, or a raging storm within us? There are two reasons. The first is because the last time we were fully present for ourselves was when we were very young. At that time, we were wide open to life – both the wonder and joy and the storms of deep feelings, which raced through our minds, our bodies and our hearts. For survival, we had to stuff deep inside all the thoughts, feelings and experiences that felt threatening to us.  

So, a very young part of us believes that if we open up again and are present for whatever we are experiencing, it will hurt. Of course, it will, but to turn away from what we are experiencing creates much more hurt in our lives. In other words, we create more pain by resisting our pain.  

But now we have more options than we did when we were young. Abe Lincoln said, “If you want to get rid of an enemy, make him your friend!” When our hurts are met with gentleness and honesty, they are transformed by the light of our compassionate attention, freeing our attention to be fully present for life. 

The second reason we are conditioned to distancing ourselves from our experience is that we are ashamed of many of the things that go on inside of us. Having made friends with what goes on inside of me and having had the privilege of working with people for over 35 years, I have discovered that there is nothing that goes on inside of us to be ashamed of. We are all nutty as fruitcakes! And we are all lost in the same basic strategies and tactics for trying to survive the wounds we have experienced. Also, we have all made “mis-takes” and we all experience anger, fear, despair, doubt, revenge, self-pity and victim-hood – to name a few. The key is how we respond to these energies inside of us, saying hello and even welcoming them. That is where they lose their power over us.      

What has worked like magic in my life and in the lives of the people I work with is to discover how to turn toward our experience, even if it is just for a few moments. Because life has shown me how to be curious about what I am experiencing and how to meet it with tenderness and kindness, my experience of cancer is probably more spacious than most people. Learning over the years how to recognize when I’m resisting and reacting and then discovering how to turn toward what the mind is afraid of and meeting it with friendliness and tenderness, helps my mind from falling off the deep end with the fear-based thoughts (and the despair) that come along with cancer. 

Notice I said over the years. We need to strengthen the muscles of our attention because usually it’s just tumbling from one thought to another all day long and when fear shows up, we’re off to the races. So, know at the beginning, a few seconds of noticing what you are experiencing before your attention again gets caught in the world of thought is enough. To meet yourself as you are with gentleness and honesty for a moment or two slowly frees up your addiction to following your thoughts wherever they go and shows you the absolute magic of having your attention and your immediate experience together.   

True joy comes when our minds, our bodies and our hearts are all in the same place at the same time – not only when life is joyous, but also when it is difficult. The more we can be present for whatever comes our way, the safer it becomes to open to life. We then discover that everything we long for and everything we truly are, is always right here, right now!