When Life Pushes You Past Your Comfort-Zone

One of my favorite mantras is “Let It be.” I find these three little words so powerful. Life gave me an opportunity to use this mantra during an appointment with my eye doctor. I have something going on with one of my eyes, so I have been to see this doctor a few times already. It is a very busy practice with lots of doctors, and patients are always in the waiting room. I have come to really appreciate waiting rooms because they give me time to just sit and be. So after checking in, I closed my eyes and settled into my breath before being called back to see the doctor. As I went within, I listened to the sounds around me, felt my buttocks and back against the chair, and began to experience spaciousness.   

I opened my eyes when I heard a man’s name called who had checked in after me. I glanced at my watch and then I could feel the tightening in my belly. Thinking perhaps I had been overlooked, I decided to remind the receptionist that I had now been waiting for a half hour and pointed out that the man who checked in after me had just been called back. She said, “Oh, we need to perform some eye tests before he sees the doctor.” I sat back down and could feel the contraction in my belly getting tighter. So, I began breathing into it and it began to soften. A few minutes later, a very tall woman walked toward me and said, in a not-so-friendly voice, “I hear you are upset about not being taken back to see the doctor.” Feeling agitated, I said my mantra to myself several times before responding, “Let it be.” This allowed my body to soften and as it did, I simply said, “It was a little confusing to me.” I noticed that my ability to soften and calm myself down before answering her actually diffused her reaction. She nodded her head and as she walked away, I continued to breathe and said my mantra a few more times. 

Finally, after waiting 45 minutes, the nurse brought me back into the exam room. There I sat and I waited and waited and waited some more. I had been waiting for almost an hour (59 minutes to be exact) when the doctor entered the room. Now my mind was really stirred up and my belly was tightening again because I had an interview that afternoon that I needed to prepare for, and I also had planned on doing some errands before going home. The doctor said, “Hello, how are you?” and I responded in a pissy tone, “Frustrated.” Immediately I became judgmental toward myself for being curt with the doctor.   

When I got in my car after the appointment, my mind couldn’t believe the doctor never apologized for being late. After all, wouldn’t it have been the respectful to do so after I had waited 59 minutes to see her? My belly was still tight, and I felt annoyed but also awful about my comment. So, I allowed a couple of long, slow out breaths, which relaxed my belly, and calmed my mind. Then I said to my Judger, “You are not a bad person for responding the way you did when the doctor asked how you were. That part of you was just trying to protect you. It is okay that you said what you said.”  

Paying attention to my reactions, I learned a lot from this experience. For many years, my older sister and I shared the same bedroom while we were growing up. Her survival system was being the dominant one and I always felt that my needs, my wants, and my voice were stomped on. So, when someone takes my space, it wakes up that part of me. Sitting in my car, I was able to let this vulnerable part of me have a voice, the part who doesn’t feel seen and heard. As I gave her the attention she so desperately needed, my heart opened to all of me, and I came back to this present moment. That is the power of let it be.