Gun Violence, What Can We Do?

With gun violence on almost every newscast and mass shootings happening everywhere, we can feel helpless in the face of this pandemic of violence. And with politicians offering only minimal support, what can we possibly do?

My sister sent me a link to an amazing interview with Aaron Stark. He is the author of a letter called I was Almost a School Shooter. This led to a Ted talk and now being interviewed on CNN, for he has an intimate view of what it takes to commit mass shootings.

The interviewer begins by saying, “You have been very clear. It’s not just about the guns and not just about mental health, it is about both. What does your personal experience tell us about how to stop future shootings?”

He responds by saying, “I think the thing we really need to do right now is listen. He goes on to say that when he heard about the shooting in Uvalde, he was shocked to see how similar Salvador Ramos’s path was to his own. It began with Salvador being raised in a family of abuse, which led to self-loathing, which led to being bullied, which led to becoming a bully, and then led to wanting to be the best bully.

When he looks at a mass shooter, he sees someone screaming out to be seen his whole life and when he is not, he tries to express his pain outwardly. Aaron feels that when we come across a person living on the edge of darkness, we might be able to bring them back by listening rather than pushing them out with more hatred and alienation.

We are being called to respond rather than to react to all the unsettling events that are happening right now. So, I ask, “Is there a young person in your life that is being pulled into the vortex of darkness?” If so ask yourself what you can do in order to get them the support and listening they need so they don’t have to act out their pain.

But most of us don’t have young people like this in our lives but we do have angry people. Anger is always a secondary emotion for it is a reaction to inner pain. What would it be like if you at least imagine listening to someone in your life who expresses anger? Rather than reacting to them, you see yourself simply listening because you recognize the pain behind their anger. If this interests you, start in your imagination first, and then when you’re ready try it out with a person. Life will definitely give you the opportunity! Don’t go to the angriest person first. That is like going to the gym and starting with the hundred-pound weights. You will just hurt yourself.

The best place to learn how to do this is with ourselves. Work first with milder forms of anger. It could be frustration at a long line, or irritation about the person at the next table who’s talking too loudly or maybe it is exasperation with somebody who is driving too slowly. Rather than falling down the rabbit hole of these reactions, (which initially may feel good because our minds love to be right and make other people wrong but we pay a price for that because it tightens our bodies and closes our hearts), the invitation is to pause for a moment, see that there is some sort of vulnerability going on underneath your instantaneous reaction, and then listen as if you are listening to your best friend.

The more you listen to yourself and see the pain underneath your reactions, the more you will be able to listen to other people. And then, one moment of time, one experience at a time, one person at a time, a field of compassion will grow and our poor, beleaguered world will be healed.

In addition, contacting your local government and your congressional representatives is another way you can make a difference.