Life Cycles

I was very moved by what a friend wrote to a man he met in an online forum who was ending his marriage and feeling very depressed. His message is so nourishing for all of us that I wanted to share it with you.  He does mention reincarnation, but I invite you not to get caught in a debate about whether it is true or not. Instead, I encourage you to open to the essence of his invitation – to show up for life – all of it!

“I understand the concept of reincarnation to be metaphorical rather than literal – that a life can be described as a series of ‘life cycles’ – a series of births, lives, and deaths. Every relationship, every job/career, and every chapter of your life has a beginning, middle, and end – a birth, life, and death. Your marriage was a ‘life’ that had a ‘birth,’ ‘life,’ and ‘death.’ Raising your children has a “birth”, “life”, and ‘death.’ The same can be said about the houses you’ve owned, the jobs and careers you’ve had, your schooling, romantic relationships, and your friends. They’ve all had a period of growth, maintenance, and decline just as in birth, life, and death.

“In our culture, we’re conditioned to seek the joy of the ‘birth’ and ‘life’ phases, but we’re rarely taught how to deal with the inevitable ‘death’ phase. We were never told that every chapter in our lives ends. All of our fairy tales consist of finding a new love and then living happily ever after, but we’re never taught, and are consequently ill-prepared, for the inevitable and unavoidable end or ‘death’ of every stage of life. That’s where the pain and depression comes from – the fight against the inevitable end (or death) of a stage of life. We’re so averse to the death portion of the life cycle that we resist it by lying, denying, avoiding, evading, and attempting to escape the unavoidable. It’s our unwillingness to experience the unavoidable pain of ‘death’ that causes us the prolonged pain and depression that you’re feeling. It’s only when you accept the death that you can move on to the next birth. Best of all, you get to take the wisdom of your past ‘life’ with you into the next.

“The pain you feel is real. The sadness, the depression, and the suicidal thoughts are feelings that you are supposed to feel after what you’ve been through. Honor those feelings and go through the pain. Sit with it, feel it, and cry about it – just don’t resist it. Because it is only after you’ve lived through the ‘death’ that you can experience the subsequent ‘rebirth.’

“A very wise friend once told me, “If it’s in the way, it IS the way,” and your pain is the path to the next life you get to enjoy. It’s all part of the process. Trust the process.”